I’ll go have a little dinner with my wife, but not much more than that. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, but sometimes the juice isn’t worth the squeeze because Valentine’s Day is sorta forced.

Valentine’s Day reminds me of this study done on monkeys. It might be a little off but bare with me because I’m paraphrasing something my friend told me.

Researchers took a monkey and gave him a treat every 8th time he pulled a lever. After a while the monkey stopped pulling the lever because he got bored. They did the same thing with another monkey but randomized when he got the treat (it wasn’t every 8th time). That monkey kept pulling the lever for way longer because he didn’t know when it was coming next (kind of sounds like slot machines haha).

Basically, when it’ predictable, it is not as enjoyable. I’ve never liked Valentine’s Day for that reason.

A Practical Guide to Office Romance

So, you’ve managed to buck the odds and land yourself a new job in this tanking economy. Excited to hook up with all your officemates? You should be. But you need to tread carefully—no matter how “progressive” companies claim to be, some HR departments will still come down on you like a ton of bricks if they think you’re using the terms “spread” and “sheets” in a context that doesn’t involve Excel.

That said, the taboo of the office romance is fading to some extent. Yes, there was a time when a little cubicle copulation was considered anathema to a successful career. “Business and pleasure don’t mix,” said the conventional wisdom. “Sex in the office is harassment, even if it’s consensual.” But while many people profess a “don’t deuce where you eat” philosophy with regards to getting it cracking in the workplace, the stats show that at least 40% of workers have tried it.

Young people are working longer hours, and as the work-life balance shifts further toward the “work is life” end of the spectrum, the office has become the new bar (with the only difference being that you have to wear headphones when you listen to “Living on a Prayer”). Before you dive in head first, consider a few crucial questions: Will an “affair de cubicle” alienate you from the rest of the office? Will your suit accommodate a surreptitious Texas tuck when the CEO rounds the corner? Do you really have no other prospects?

If you do decide to play with fire, here are the different scenarios you might run into:

Dating an equal. If you are dating another newb, it’s mostly up to the two of you to decide if competing for the same promotions, raises, and projects will breed ill will. Most other people won’t care as long as there’s not too much repulsive canoodling in the break room. However, think about your work-life balance—at the end of the day the last thing you want is a reminder of work, even if that reminder has boobs.

Dating a superior. When the boardroom becomes the boudoir, you’d better make sure you’re not the one under the table on all fours (unless you’re plugging in the projector). Let’s be blunt: sexing your boss is almost always a bad idea. Even if you successfully pull off an unethical plan to get ahead through sexual favors, the rumor mill is quick to spot an unjust promotion. If you really “like” your boss, check your feelings to make sure they are genuine. Then check his or her hand for a wedding ring. Then quit the job and get it cracking.

Dating an inferior. Most of us don’t have to worry about this because we are the inferiors. But again, the issue that arises here has to do with maintaining “professional integrity.” Of course, the interns are always fair game, regardless of age—they can’t find the paper for the printer, let alone HR.

Dating a client. If your job involves going to a lot of dinners or entertaining clients outside of the office, you never know what might pop off once the vino starts flowing. Know your own limits and remember that your job is not to jump people’s bones (at least I hope not). If your boss finds out, your actions will not be looked upon favorably. If he or she is the one cajoling you to flirt for business, ask yourself why you decided to work for Don “Magic” Juan.

Dating someone in a different department. “Cross-pollination” may seem like the safest bet, but remember that it has also bred some of nature’s biggest freaks, like the labradoodle. Lindsey Pollack, author of From College to Career: 90 Things to Do Before You Join the Real World, recently illustrated the pitfalls of this move for me: “When I was working at a dot com several years ago, I went on a few dates with a cute guy in the IT department. After it ended, I was too embarrassed ever to call IT support again, even when my computer got a serious virus!” The lesson is simple: never date a dude who has access to your computer.

What about the janitorial staff? The janitor has access to three important things: keys to the supply closet, a late-night schedule, and the wherewithal to quickly clean up the “scene of the crime.” Worth considering, perhaps.

Final precautions. In all cases mentioned above, avoid P.D.A. like the plague. Petting, kissing, and even subtle hand-holding will alienate both of you (or all three of you!?) and make work uncomfortable for others. Be wary of swapping love notes over company e-mail or treating the Christmas party like Freaknik. And finally, always be prepared to deny everything when the crap hits the fan.

At the end of the day, office romance is a Pandora’s Box that’s probably not worth opening. But when the juice is worth the squeeze, you’d better believe that no pant suit or necktie is going to stop nature from taking its course. Just remember that work is stressful enough without exes lurking in the corridors and people asking why you “never call IT” anymore. Be smooth, be smart, and always protect your assets.

Gradspot.com is the ultimate online destination for life after college, with in-depth how-to articles on finding a job, getting an apartment, understanding healthcare, and much more. The Gradspot.com Guide to Life After College, a humorous manual for navigating the real world, is available for $14.95 on Amazon or as a downloadable e-book at Gradspot.com/book.

In the first video, you’ll hear what some women think are the “Top 5 Things that Make a Guy Attractive” and also “How to Know When the Relationship is Over.”

In the second vid, watch as this guy explains what a “douchebag” is and how guys are only interested in one thing known as the prize.

And in the final video, once you get passed the bartender’s accent, you realize he just wants what all guys want…

Please be sure to let us know what you think of the videos in the comments.

(Courtney and Kelly)

Click here to view the embedded video.

(Will)

Click here to view the embedded video.

(Sean the Bartender)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

Originally from Philadelphia, Kathrien Ahn spent her undergrad years at NYU before following her creative pursuits to Los Angeles. She has appeared on “Law and Order: SVU, The Office, and the forthcoming feature, “Wild Cherry.”  She recently finished her third feature film script, and her “Office” spec script was a semi-finalist in the 2008 “Scriptapalooza” TV Writing competition. She enjoys all things related to humor, rap music, and comedy. And dating funny, smart-ass guys.

Every woman has different tolerance levels for obnoxiousness, cockiness and all things that drive them outright crazy! I asked roughly two dozen girls, “What are things that guys do that drive you nuts.” You may be surprised by some of the 15 things that made the list.

Disclaimer: This article is not meant to bash on guys. Some of the thoughts and gripes are specific to the individual woman and are not meant to stereotype men (or women, for that matter).

IN A RELATIONSHIP

1) Breaking a promise. Be realistic with what you can and can’t deliver on, and don’t make a promise you can’t keep. No one likes it when expectations are high just to later be let down by another. And while we’re on the topic of breaking promises, don’t wait to break plans till the very last minute. According to Rachel L., the sooner her guy cancels, the more understanding she’ll be towards the situation.

2) Hanging out alone with a woman who’s not a family member. Let’s face it, at one point or another you had a crush on your girl best friend or vice versa. It’s no wonder that some women have problems believing that men and women can just be platonic friends. Andrea H. says, “You cannot have a strictly, 100% platonic close relationship with a member of the opposite sex, especially if that person is in any way sexy.”

3) Not letting us into your world. Do you have more “guys’ nights” than group outings that include you and your buddies’ significant others? Did you forget to invite your girlfriend to a family party? If you’re serious about your gal, it’s important to include her in your world thus showing that she is also one of your priorities. “If I’m important to him, I’d think he’d want me to be part of everything else in his life that’s important,” proclaims Veronica T.

4) Non-responsiveness to messages. Whether it’s a text message, voicemail or email, men can tend to take awhile to respond. Katie K. retorts, “Least they could do is acknowledge that they received the message.” And she’s absolutely right; men don’t have to answer or engage in a long winded conversation if they’re not ready or up for it. Simply acknowledging the receipt of the messages and mentioning you’ll get back to us later is usually enough for the time being.

5) Poor gift giving. We know that guys mean well when they pick out a gift, and we should realize it’s the thought that counts. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Jeannette H.’s husband never gets her the right size and they’ve been married for years. “Not only does it [article of clothing] usually not fit, I have to log the transaction in the checkbook.” Oh, dear! Take note, guys, if you have a joint account and you don’t want your significant other to know how much you spent, use a credit card that you take are of or take out cash instead. And in terms of buying the wrong size, if you don’t know her exact size, stay clear from purchasing clothes.

6) Giving us unsolicited advice. Ever been in a situation when a girl just rambled on for three minutes straight without flinching. She doesn’t ask for your opinion at the end of the three minutes, and yet, you still give your unsolicited advice. Wrong move. Sometimes girls talk just to vent. Helpful hint: your role in this type of situation is just to listen.

APPEARANCE/HYGIENE

7) Long, unkempt hair. It’s one thing to intentionally grow your hair for fashion’s sake (newsflash though, ponytails are so passé), but it’s quite another to procrastinate on getting a haircut. According to Patty Z., guys should remember to upkeep their hair because it’s not attractive to see a guy with long hair that is three months past needing a haircut. (Buzz cuts and shorter haircuts are also exception to this, usually.)

8) Dirty fingernails, longer than mine. If you think you’re going to touch us with dirty, long fingernails, think again! “Dirty fingernails gross me out, it tells me you don’t care about appearances and hygiene,” exclaims Cathy M. Consider trimming your nails every week and a half (or more as needed) and clean the gunk underneath them. You’ll appear more put together and maybe she’ll be more willing to have those fingers in her mouth.

GENERAL

9) Not putting the toilet seat down. Just because your father, and his father and his father’s father didn’t put the toilet seat down, doesn’t mean it’s an age long tradition that needs to be followed. Do your part and put the toilet seat down for your mother, sister, and significant other suggests Jenny K. (If you live with a house full of guys, then please ignore.)

10) Doing everything last minute. Christmas shopping, walking the dog, throwing out the trash and even solidifying plans for the next trip or outing—guys tend to wait last minute to get these things done. Sara S. blows her top when her boyfriend can’t commit to plans two weeks in advance. Is it more appealing to wait to the very last minute? Chances are you’ll enjoy the task even more if you don’t rush through it.

11) Throwing things at you and expecting you to catch it. Ever notice that most guys like to throw things and expect you to catch them? From keys, books and everything not meant for throwing, Alissa V. says, “It’s annoying because I can’t catch and if I don’t catch it they’re [guys] always like, ‘OMG, you didn’t catch it, what!’.” (Side note: wonder if there’s a correlation between the guys who like throwing objects and a fondness or ability to play sports.)

12) Talk during and make fun of my favorite TV show(s). “A friend of mine would make faces and mimic the characters of my fave show while it was on, and it bugged me cause I was seriously trying to watch,” laments Maria S. We won’t bother you when your favorite team is playing and the score is tied in the ninth inning, with two outs, four balls and two strikes, and in return we’d like peace and quiet during our TV shows. Kapish?

13) Tuning out when someone’s speaking. Women understand that men get distracted easily, says Alissa V., but it’s bothersome when we’re talking and trying to get a point across all the while your eyes are glazed over and you’ve tuned us out. This might be one thing that guys do that we have to chalk up to an innate, DNA kind of thing. We’ll deal.

14) When they think you’re a bad driver. Melissa C. dislikes that guys automatically think she’s a bad driver just cause she’s a girl. It’s as if they think we’re going to get in an accident or scratch the car, she retorts. Gender has nothing to do with one’s ability or inability to drive. Hello, Danica Patrick is a kick ass driver and that’s indisputable.

15) Leaving their belongings everywhere. There are definitely neat and tidy guys out there, but some seem to lack the clean gene. Marissa L. offers an example, “…if we went out shopping they would bring their bags home and just leave it there for days, weeks and even months…still in the bag!” Frustrating as that’s clutter in your home you don’t want.

Stay tuned for a follow-up article on 15 things that guys do that drive women wild.

photography by Kelly Hau Photography

This article is a Ploomy Writing Challenge Finalist.
To vote for this article, give it a rating at the end of the article.

By: John Salvatore

Everyone knows that one of the toughest parts of being a twenty-something living in the city is finding a good roommate. Roommate problems span from somebody never paying bills to mounds of dirty clothes piling up to dishes growing mold in the sink because somebody didn’t clean up after himself.

There is certainly an endless supply of bad roommate stories from people who have lived in apartments, and they’re not ending any time soon. These stories include problems with a roommate’s girlfriend taking everyone’s rent checks, cashing them and running away to Canada, roommates being arrested in the apartment after running around in a drunk frenzy and the usual roommate inviting somebody over who then proceeds to urinate on half the room.

There are some crucial steps that can be taken before you choose a roommate. Finding a good roommate requires a certain amount of time invested to make sure that a person is compatible and responsible enough. A person’s personality may not be the most important quality when choosing a roommate, and you may want to think about a few of the following questions.

Does your roommate have a similar sleep schedule as yours?

If not, will you have to be consistently woken up when he comes back at 2:30 in the morning, slams multiple doors, starts screaming on his cell phone in Spanish and then proceeds to eat an extremely crunchy bag of Kettle Chips before finally shutting up and going to sleep? You could try and get him back by pulling open the blinds in the morning to let the sun in, but is this really a good roommate relationship?

What kind of music does your roommate listen to?

Make sure you have a general idea of what music your roommate listens (lastfm, facebook or band shirts) and how loud he plays it. Having a roommate play Tool on the top notch of his new sub woofer sound system a hundred times an hour can be hard for anybody to take.

How is your roommate’s health?

Does this potential roommate look pale and weak? Is he the type of person to catch colds all the time? Besides the loud sneezing and coughing that will keep you up half the night, imagine all the disinfecting you’ll have to do whenever he blows his germs to every corner of the room.

Does he have money?

This is probably one of the most important factors of all. No matter how awesome your roommate is, if he doesn’t pay the bills every month and you have to cover for him you’ll end up hating his guts. Especially when he owes you $2,000 at the end of the lease and can’t make the payment. This includes the extra charge that the landlord gave after he ruined the carpets with his “awesome ’sex and the city’ wine party”. Wine, lots of drunk people, and carpeting don’t go together in an apartment. Make sure this new roommate either has a job, is going to get a job, or has rich parents that will fish him out of any financial trouble he may get into.

How much time does your roommate spend on the TV or the computer?

Is he going be the type that has massive Super Smash Bros tournaments with his girlfriend, screaming at the top of his lungs whenever she beats him and make you feel completely uncomfortable to even be hanging out in the living room? Are you gonna be able to hook up with a chick in your room when your World of Warcraft roommate is on a massive raid with his guild that will probably go on for over 6 hours? Yes, 6 hours. Some of the best roommates are the ones that are hardly ever there because you finally get time to spend alone, which can be rare in a apartment situation with multiple people.

Does your roommate have a pet?

Will your roommate buy a pet? Would you mind if your roommate, completely randomly and without your permission, buys a turtle named Nelson Mandela and just expects you to feed it while she’s gone on weekend trips even without asking you? Will you have the guts to starve the turtle to death because it’s not your responsibility? Who’s going to pick up the “droppings” when your roommate won’t? If your roommate ever talks about pets, say your allergic to all types of fur, scales, skins, rubber and feathers.

What about the chores?

Having an apartments means weekly cleaning of the apartment, bedrooms and bathrooms as well as dish-cleaning, taking out the trash, throwing out old food from the refrigerator, dealing with the cops after a noisy party, washing the floor after the bong tips over and a whole bunch of other responsibilities that most people aren’t ready for. If you don’t think the roommate can handle the chores then don’t live with him. Period.

Is your roommate going to be fun?

Or is he going to stay in his room every weekend night studying and won’t be able to even talk to guests that you have over? Is he always going to get mad when you throw bottles and water balloons from your 12th story window or light the kitchen counter on fire with hand sanitizer? Is he going to participate in the Saturday night guy’s poker games and take part in the roommate jamming sessions with karaoke? If he’s no fun at all than the above points may not matter much because roommates are the people you’re going to see seven days a week for at least six hours a day. If you can’t have any fun with your roommate, he’ll just be a stranger living in your room.

Finding a good roommate is important and can be the difference between having an amazing time in an apartment environment or moving back home with your parents. Make sure you think about who you’re picking as a roommate because there are many important factors in the decision.
Photo by: Miamabanta