Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

I need your help. To make a long story short. I dated this girl over the summer. She just literally came off a super lengthy relationship (5+ yrs, rocky relationship in which her ex cheated on her repeatedly) and the last serious relationship I had was about a year prior to that. So obviously both of us weren’t looking for anything. However in a span of three-four months, we had a whirlwind relationship. We went through what normal couples go through in years. As she said, “it got too serious too fast”. We met each other’s family, got intertwined with each other’s circle of friends, at one point she literally moved into my apt and lived with me for about 3-4 weeks. She broke it off because she said it was moving too fast and it got too serious.

However she said she couldn’t be without me and currently we call each other ‘best friends.’  Although we really care about each other, listen to each, and try to be as open as possible we do keep secrets. She refuses to tell me about other guys she’s dating (which I know she is) and I refuse to tell her about girls I’m seeing. Now I know the typical advice is to get over a girl, you need to get a new one. But at the end of the day, after seeing a few girls, I’m still emotionally unavailable and find myself constantly thinking about her. I’ve slept around, but when it got to a point a girl wanted to do something as simple as cuddle or have me stay over, all the alarms in my head went off and forced me to jet. Since our lives are so intertwined we see each other frequently. All our close friends know I still have feelings for her.  Her best friend is seeing one of my close boys, we have the same circle of friends. My family loves her, she spent Thanksgiving with mine and I spent it with hers. Her father constantly tells her she wishes she never ended it with me. Her mother randomly texts me to see how I am, etc. My sister emails her to chit chat. My younger brother goes to her for dating advice. My mom constantly invites her to places with or without me.

She has to know I still have feelings for her. But anytime we come remotely close to talking about feelings, she gets really vague and switches the subject. When she’s out with other people, she’s vague and dances around the subject of whether she’s with another guy (to protect my feelings, maybe?). She’s one of those people that when they don’t want to talk about something they completely shut down and don’t talk about it at all.

I need help because, I believe she still has feelings for me but like everyone tells me she’s enjoying being single right now. She enjoys being a “free spirit”. I’ve tried getting over her by seeing other girls but I constantly compare them to her and end up becoming an asshole to these girls (don’t return calls, blow them off, flake on them). I’ve tried to disappear but found myself getting weak and contacting her or she would come out of no where and contact me.  I’ve tried staying away from her but that’s hard because she’s constantly chilling with my friends (Now, considered ‘our’ friends). Like I said, our lives are too intertwined.  Should I stick around and wait for her to come around? What else can I do to get over her if she’s constantly around? I really don’t know what to do. What would you do if you were in a situation like this?

-Mr. E

Dear Mr. E,

I’m sorry, but that was supposed to be a long story made short?

First of all, if you guys are “friends” then you are pretty shitty friends. Second of all, because your families and friends are in the mix, you’ve got a real disaster on hand.

Everybody likes to think that friendships with their ex are viable. Much like duct taping 40s to your hands, trying to be bffs with your ex is difficult, notes a serious lack of common sense, and can get downright messy. Read the rest of this article »

Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

I was hoping you could maybe give me some advice on how to handle this situation because it is driving me crazy.

I have been hanging out with these girls for about half a year now and it’s been awesome. I have known one of the girls (the one I like) for a while now but never really hung out because she is really shy and its package deal (always with another friend).

So recently like I mentioned we have been hanging out, mostly on weekends with my housemates (they come over). I have always thought that she was beautiful but maybe a little out of my league. But I noticed a few thing that were happening: she remember things that mostly have no significance (that I like Scarlett Johanson, I want to be a chef etc etc) and some random hand touches. Then about a month ago I decided to break up with my girlfriend (long distance was not working out) and my friends decided to get me really drunk. That night we spoke for like a hour in the bathroom! haha. Unfortunately I was blacked out and cannot remember most of what was said. This is what I can remember: she talked about the jerks that had liked her in the past. how girls like it when men take control. That is about it. She even smoked with us that night (me a friend and  she and her friend). By smoked I mean hookah which she never does.

Since then we have hung out and it’s been quite normal. We talk a fair amount and meet at the library a lot which is weird since we never met there before. Her best friend knows (that I like her) which I assume means she knows (even though she swears she has not). Most recently we spoke in the library and she was playing with her hair and then left a hairball on my lap (which I thought was pretty fucked up!) In addition to this my friends told me that at lunch (I cannot make it because I have class then) they joked about me being very similar to a friend of hers and how we should hook up. Apparently she was the only one that did not feel so which my friends say is a ’sign’.

I realize this is a lot of information but I need some help from someone with actual knowledge of such areas. She is a straight laced girl so I would never expect her to make the first move. At the same time I don’t want to do something that could end our friendship because she is awesome. I think she will be her on Friday for our Christmas party should I tell her then or just wait. Help!

Alex

Dear Alex,

You poor boy. You seem like a nice kid, maybe just a little confused.

I love that you think that the woman of your dreams doesn’t know that you like her! First off, all girls talk. We are cute, have soft skin, and we know everything you tell our friends.

My suggestion is not to save big news for holiday parties. It’s like putting laxatives in your own birthday cake. Why would you set yourself up like that?

I’ve heard the transition from friend to signi-other can be a difficult one. You have to  balance the save the friendship campaign on one side, while still flexing your Read the rest of this article »

Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,
Online dating! Is it worth it? How do I get chicks to notice me? And what about using online dating for sex?

NS, NY

Dear NS, NY,
I signed up for a dating site this week, so I am giving you the following information without bull shit.

I actually think going to the bar is the most inefficient way of meeting someone. Buying drinks for girls at the bar must be like giving a hobo your wallet, and the likeliness of you meeting someone of quality is 1 out of 200. Online dating has a bad reputation because it implies social ineptitude and pedophilia, but it is probably a worthwhile way to meet people who you aren’t going to want to shoot in the foot after 10 minutes.

You’ve basically got one chance to catch somebody’s eye when you’re on a dating site. There’s the tiny thumbnail of you that pops up with your profile and if your picture is shit, so are your chances of a chick noticing you. If you have your default picture looking like you took it at 3AM with your webcam while your cats were eating the remnants of your microwave dinner…. seriously rethink your strategy to attract a woman. On the other hand, nobody’s asking you to be Mr. Universe, so don’t put up the picture that looks nothing like you and suggests that you are on steroids if you’re really not. Read the rest of this article »

Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Elle,

Here’s one for you.  I’m dating a woman who is 8 years older (I’m 27).  It’s not a big deal when I go out with her friends for parties or just hanging out. But when it is time for her to come with me to one of my social gatherings she said she feels weird about it all.  Her excuse is that she says she feels too old around my friends and doesn’t have much to relate to. All my friends are welcoming but she still has her hangups.  What can I do so she doesn’t feel like a cradle robber around the gang?
Mister Rattle

Dear Mister Rattle,

Age is like a bad hickey and sometimes there is no way to hide it. When she’s in her own social setting she is fine because she’s around people who she determined are her friends, people that have the same interests, are supportive of her, and aren’t calling her out on her younger boyfriend. She’s freaked out by hanging out with your friends because she probably doesn’t know them that well and to her, they are just a bunch of dirty men who are judging her for dating a younger guy. The trick might be for her to get to know your friends better individually, and to find out that they’re not dickbags. If your girlfriend has a better understanding of who your friends are on a personal level, she’ll be more open to hanging out with them.

PS. Mister Rattle, let me know how it goes.

Read the rest of this article »

Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

My girlfriend constantly looks in the other direction while we have sex. She wont look at me and quite frankly looks scared. Is it me or is she really self conscious?

Theo, Philadelphia

Theo,

It’s entirely possible that you have no idea what you’re doing and your girlfriend is making her grocery list while you are attempting to have sex with her. I guess there is always the possibility that she’s self conscious too, in which case you should be having deep and meaningful conversations about how to fix her. If you want her to stop being scared while boning, you should approach the subject by bringing it up directly, without getting defensive about your skills (or lack thereof). Being supportive, and not a dick will be helpful in both solving the problem and not getting dumped.

Read the rest of this article »

Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

It’s been 7 months now since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I haven’t dated anyone and really haven’t gotten over her yet. How would you suggest getting over a breakup?
Broken hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

If you’ve already gotten past the black out drunk episodes where you insult everyone in your path of broken hearted destruction, then I would say the next step is to get down to business:

Get it. Comprehend why you broke up. Comprehension is not weeping into a bottle of whiskey and talking to yourself. Comprehending your break up is coming to see that you broke up because you weren’t supposed to spend the rest of your lives together. Break ups blow, but staying in a relationship just to put off a break up blows even more.

Make a clean break. Toss all the momento crap from your relationship that you still have and is only making you sappy.

Cry and go shoot stuff. I’m not saying you have to suck it up and be a man, if you have to cry, cry. Force yourself to go do stuff – go shoot beer cans off a fence, go bowling, etc. Wallowing in your own self pity for too long will inevitably turn you into a pathetic loser. This is an ideal time to take up a new hobby, now that you don’t have to spend your free time with some unappreciative, demanding, good for nothing woman.

Go pimp. I feel like when people are in relationships that they forget there are millions of other people in the world to meet. Breaking up is sucky, but there’s a lot of excitement in getting to meet someone new, or rather, a lot of new people if you are really socially dexterous.

Read the rest of this article »

Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

I was snooping around on my girlfriend’s laptop and was very surprised to find out that she was looking at a bunch of nudie sites. I know it wasn’t me because I clear my cache frequently. The funny thing is that all of the pages were of women with nice boobs. I confronted her on this and she said she’s not lesbian or bi, but that for some reason she just liked to look at them. Should I worry?

Read the rest of this article »

15 Things that Guys Do that Drive Women Nuts

The other night a girl friend of mine called complaining her boyfriend said he’d call at 9:30pm, but it’s half past 10 and he hadn’t called yet. A co-worker reports to me that her brother always forgets Mother’s Day, and he put his name on the present she bought. These are two very classic examples of behaviors that some guys do that drive women up the wall—not calling when they say they’ll call (according to Michelle K.) and forgetfulness (according to Jenny K.).

Every woman has different tolerance levels for obnoxiousness, cockiness and all things that drive them outright crazy! I asked roughly two dozen girls, “What are things that guys do that drive you nuts.” You may be surprised by some of the 15 things that made the list.

Disclaimer: This article is not meant to bash on guys. Some of the thoughts and gripes are specific to the individual woman and are not meant to stereotype men (or women, for that matter).

Read the rest of this article »

How to Find a Good Roommate

This article is a Ploomy Writing Challenge Finalist.
To vote for this article, give it a rating at the end of the article.

By: John Salvatore

Everyone knows that one of the toughest parts of being a twenty-something living in the city is finding a good roommate. Roommate problems span from somebody never paying bills to mounds of dirty clothes piling up to dishes growing mold in the sink because somebody didn’t clean up after himself. Read the rest of this article »

Pursuit of Dating

This article is a Ploomy Writing Challenge Finalist.
To vote for this article, give it a rating at the end of the article.

By: Sharon

Dating reminds me of the game MONOPOLY. Your main goal is to get Boardwalk. Everything is going well, and then all of a sudden you get a minor setback. You flip that Chance card over that says, “Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200”. Next, you are blind-sighted by your opponent who takes over and gains possession of Boardwalk. After that, everything just goes downhill and you say f**k it! I’m done!

Read the rest of this article »

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