AskElle: That’s What She Said

My GF and I have been  going out for almost a year, and we’ve spent the holidays together, met each others families, I’ve even helped her stepdad build a downstairs living space. I get along with her fam and she’s the same way with mine. We enjoy lots of the same likes and dislikes, so doing stuff around town and at our houses is easy and fun for both of us.  But she has a busy schedule that she talks about and prevents us from hanging out some of the time, which doesn’t bother me cause I have a deadly schedule anyways lol.

A week ago, we broke up because she said she doesn’t need a boyfriend right now but she still wants to be friends and still wants me to stay in contact. Which kinda just blind sighted me. I mean I leave for boot camp in a few months (which she said she didn’t mind when I asked her when we first started dating) and her brother leaves 10 days before I do (for two years), and her step brothers are moving out in a week or two so she’s the only one in the house besides her parents during the summer and new school year (I don’t live with them).

I really care for her and before this relationship I was just a bad person who slept around and didn’t feel good about myself, but a little bit before I met her I changed my life in a positive way. Then decided to make a good healthy relationship with her (we worked together before I went back to school). I’m pretty smart and do lots of activities but I don’t know what I should do. I still text and message her like everyday. What should I do? (sorry it was long thnx 4 reading). JR

Dear JR,

Unfortunately, some relationships have a one sided shelf life. You probably wanted to go on with this girl forever… and she really didn’t feel the same. Mutual break ups are hard enough, but feeling like you’ve been dumped sucks big time. You constantly feel like you could really change their mind about dumping you if they’d just listen…

I think that women always have the problem of controlling themselves after a break up. We restrain ourselves from calling the other person so that we don’t sound like sociopaths. If you’re keeping busy in other ways, keep your hands off your phone. If she wants to talk she’ll contact you. It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes blatantly ignoring another person after a break up reminds them what it’s like to be without you. Which, you pray, means that they will come back to you. So, keep your fingers crossed, your hands clasped together in a permanent praying pose, and hope for the best.

And seriously, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be okay. Really.

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If you would like to ask Elle a question about dating, relationships or something else ridiculously interesting, send an email to askelle@ploomy.com.

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

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