AskElle: That’s What She Said

Why don’t women like the word “moist”?  I have yet to meet a girl that doesn’t gag in their mouth at the word’s mention.  What makes “wet” so much better?  And while we’re at it, why do so few girls like jazz?  No girl has ever professed anything more than a mild tolerance for it, and, when given the option of a, lets sat for example, tapas or jazz club date, they always choose tapas.  An ex girlfriend once went to a club with me almost as a favor, that’s it.  Explain.

-Hector

Dear Hector,

Women don’t like the word moist because nothing good comes from its association. I personally think of pedophiles, or coffee cake when the word is used. As for wet, I hardly think it is better. In fact, it conjures up a sort of long haired, greasy looking man with dirty fingernails. If we could avoid using these words, I can almost guarantee women would not throw up in their mouths as often.

As far as jazz music goes… I can’t help you. I have never met a woman who would die for jazz music, so this has led me to assume one of two things. One: that during the duration of a piece of jazz music, there is a high pitched tone which is inaudible to a woman’s ear, but is received by men to be a sort of Morse code that they can decode like robots. I haven’t yet decided what the code is saying, but I think it has something to do with not putting the toilet seat down. Two: jazz music is unstructured and too abstract for most women. And as for the tapas, it’s sort of obvious isn’t it? Women like to blabber, and they like to get free meals. Of course they’d pick tapas over jazz.

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If you would like to ask Elle a question about dating, relationships or something else ridiculously interesting, send an email to askelle@ploomy.com.

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

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