AskElle: That’s What She Said

After reading all your comments to our question “Can we be friends?” we’ve decided the best comment was Keilo’s.  Thanks to all those who left comments and Keilo look for your Ploomy t-shirt in the mail.

Now on to your questions…

My GF and I have been seeing each other for 16 months. She wants to take the relationship to the next level by moving in, but I don’t want to yet. I do like the fact that I will get a steady stream of “you know what,” available to me, but at the same time I like that she has her place and I have my own place.  It’s just better that way.  I am not one of those afraid of commitment type either. She thinks I’m just trying to have my cake and eat it too.  But really, I just don’t want to move in with her right now because it’s too early for all that married stuff. She’s making it seem like if we don’t move in then she wants out of the relationship altogether.  I don’t want to move in, but at the same time I don’t want to break up.  What to do?
Rock and a hard place

Dear Rock a Hard Place,

Since I am inept in situations such as these, I had to ask my mom for help. She said, “tell her [your girlfriend] how you feel. She will stay, or she will leave.”

Reading your question, I didn’t think that you are a commitment phobic. I just think you don’t want to marry your girlfriend. Not now. Or ever, really. I mean, you’ve been together for more than a year… if you’re waiting for the feeling of “I have to marry her” to come, I would start getting a little scared.

In the event that you think my insight is crap and you’d like to work things out with your Miss, you should explain that you love her (only if you actually do) and that someday (maybe?) you’ll want to move in together and maybe (maybe) you’ll get married… eventually.

My ex-girlfriend cheated on me during the holidays.  After it happened I immediately took her off my Facebook friends.  I don’t like reading all her comments and postings so I took off our mutual friends that we shared in common so I don’t have to see that stuff about her a t all. Now some of those people who were both our mutual friends (but she knew them first) are upset with me too. I just told them I didn’t want to see or know or have anything to do with her.  Was I wrong for taking them all off?
Eric

Dear Eric,

No.

Mutual friends are awkward after a break up. I’d consider the de-friending of mutual friends on fbook to be the equivalent of averting your eyes, or ducking into a store when you see them approaching on the street. Okay yeah, it’s kind of rude, but not in a way that warrants any hard feelings for more than a few days. If your “friends” are still upset, they are lame, and most likely the reason that they were your ex girlfriend’s friends and not yours.

If you would like to ask Elle a question about dating, relationships or something else ridiculously interesting, send an email to askelle@ploomy.com.

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

You should follow me on twitter here.