Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

I was hoping you could maybe give me some advice on how to handle this situation because it is driving me crazy.

I have been hanging out with these girls for about half a year now and it’s been awesome. I have known one of the girls (the one I like) for a while now but never really hung out because she is really shy and its package deal (always with another friend).

So recently like I mentioned we have been hanging out, mostly on weekends with my housemates (they come over). I have always thought that she was beautiful but maybe a little out of my league. But I noticed a few thing that were happening: she remember things that mostly have no significance (that I like Scarlett Johanson, I want to be a chef etc etc) and some random hand touches. Then about a month ago I decided to break up with my girlfriend (long distance was not working out) and my friends decided to get me really drunk. That night we spoke for like a hour in the bathroom! haha. Unfortunately I was blacked out and cannot remember most of what was said. This is what I can remember: she talked about the jerks that had liked her in the past. how girls like it when men take control. That is about it. She even smoked with us that night (me a friend and  she and her friend). By smoked I mean hookah which she never does.

Since then we have hung out and it’s been quite normal. We talk a fair amount and meet at the library a lot which is weird since we never met there before. Her best friend knows (that I like her) which I assume means she knows (even though she swears she has not). Most recently we spoke in the library and she was playing with her hair and then left a hairball on my lap (which I thought was pretty fucked up!) In addition to this my friends told me that at lunch (I cannot make it because I have class then) they joked about me being very similar to a friend of hers and how we should hook up. Apparently she was the only one that did not feel so which my friends say is a ’sign’.

I realize this is a lot of information but I need some help from someone with actual knowledge of such areas. She is a straight laced girl so I would never expect her to make the first move. At the same time I don’t want to do something that could end our friendship because she is awesome. I think she will be her on Friday for our Christmas party should I tell her then or just wait. Help!

Alex

Dear Alex,

You poor boy. You seem like a nice kid, maybe just a little confused.

I love that you think that the woman of your dreams doesn’t know that you like her! First off, all girls talk. We are cute, have soft skin, and we know everything you tell our friends.

My suggestion is not to save big news for holiday parties. It’s like putting laxatives in your own birthday cake. Why would you set yourself up like that?

I’ve heard the transition from friend to signi-other can be a difficult one. You have to  balance the save the friendship campaign on one side, while still flexing your irresistible charm on the other. She probably thinks she’s being fairly obvious about her thing for you, “straight laced” hand touching and good ol’ romantic hairballs in your lap. As for you, you must seriously like her, ‘cause that’s pretty effing disgusting.

My personal opinion is that she’s into you. There’s really no way she couldn’t be unless she’s a cold hearted slut bag. Okay, so maybe these hand touches aren’t exactly the things sluts are made of. She may actually be a prude, so approach lightly and don’t try to shove your tongue down her throat. Please.

Dear Elle,

Why do guys give girls HPV?

– I want to know.

Dear I want to know,

Do you know how guys do stupid and thoughtless things like stick their hands in snow blowers and urinate in places other than the toilet when they drink too much? Their genitals aren’t any different. It’s just one stupid thing after another. Hands, feet, face, penis; I don’t think they do it to intentionally piss you off. I’d say, get used to it, and get yourself some hardcore condom armor.

If you would like to ask Elle a question about dating, relationships or something else ridiculously interesting, send an email to askelle@ploomy.com

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

You should follow me on twitter @ploomy.

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