Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Elle,

Here’s one for you.  I’m dating a woman who is 8 years older (I’m 27).  It’s not a big deal when I go out with her friends for parties or just hanging out. But when it is time for her to come with me to one of my social gatherings she said she feels weird about it all.  Her excuse is that she says she feels too old around my friends and doesn’t have much to relate to. All my friends are welcoming but she still has her hangups.  What can I do so she doesn’t feel like a cradle robber around the gang?
Mister Rattle

Dear Mister Rattle,

Age is like a bad hickey and sometimes there is no way to hide it. When she’s in her own social setting she is fine because she’s around people who she determined are her friends, people that have the same interests, are supportive of her, and aren’t calling her out on her younger boyfriend. She’s freaked out by hanging out with your friends because she probably doesn’t know them that well and to her, they are just a bunch of dirty men who are judging her for dating a younger guy. The trick might be for her to get to know your friends better individually, and to find out that they’re not dickbags. If your girlfriend has a better understanding of who your friends are on a personal level, she’ll be more open to hanging out with them.

PS. Mister Rattle, let me know how it goes.

Dear Elle,

For the past 2 years I’ve been pursuing the same woman, of course while seeing what else is out there.  Throughout the 2 years we have dated for awhile intimately and we have also become good friends.  Also there has been times when we weren’t talking to each other because of arguments.  I know 2 years is along time to pursue someone but there is something about this chick that makes me think outside the box, makes me challenge myself to be a better person.  I know that sounds really cliche but its the truth.  So do I keep pursuing her and hope that I can get what I want and thats another chance at dating her again? or do i just give up and just stay friends?  Or am I just setting myself up for failure.

Thanks, K.O.T.S.

Dear K.O.T.S.,
Are you meaning to tell me that you’ve spent the past 2 years really digging one girl, but you dicked around with other girls just to double check that there wasn’t someone else you liked more?

It sounds like your basic, self proclaimed cliche emotions have finally surfaced. Talking about feelings ranks pretty low on things that I want to expound upon in a dating scenario, but if you are intent on having a relationship with this girl you have to lay it all out considering the amount of time you invested in coming to find that she’s rad. I’m writing this with the assumption that you are done dicking around with other girls and are serious about this one girl; so if you are hoping to find the answer as to how to keep her around while still seeing other people, I am going to tell you to get your head out of your ass. Rad girls don’t stay single forever. But, if you are writing me with the purpose of making a monogamous relationship out of this, all you have to do is be up front. If you’re friends with her, then you’ve already established the “I can tell you everything” thing. Saying simple, uncomplicated things like, “I like you. I want a relationship with you,” is pretty easy, minus the nerve racking, vomit worthy hours beforehand. If she’s not into it, it’ll be awkward for a little while after she rejects you. In the end, I think giving it a whirl instead of being a pathetic mope about losing your chance, is well worth the risk.

If you would like to ask Elle a question about dating, relationships or something else ridiculously interesting, send an email to askelle@ploomy.com

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

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