Ask Elle: Advice on Women

Dear Elle,

My girlfriend constantly looks in the other direction while we have sex. She wont look at me and quite frankly looks scared. Is it me or is she really self conscious?

Theo, Philadelphia

Theo,

It’s entirely possible that you have no idea what you’re doing and your girlfriend is making her grocery list while you are attempting to have sex with her. I guess there is always the possibility that she’s self conscious too, in which case you should be having deep and meaningful conversations about how to fix her. If you want her to stop being scared while boning, you should approach the subject by bringing it up directly, without getting defensive about your skills (or lack thereof). Being supportive, and not a dick will be helpful in both solving the problem and not getting dumped.

Dear Elle,

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and she just confessed to me that before we started dating, she had lesbian relationships. I was really surprised and wondered why she didn’t tell me before. I can say that our relationship was great but now I am kind of lost: I see all her girlfriends in a different light and I question our love, I can’t imagine a future between us despite the fact she’s telling me I am the only one. What do you think?

Lafayette, from France

Lafayette,

I think I would feel the same way if I found out I was dating someone who used to date other men. I support the LBGQT community, but I don’t necessarily want them dry humping me. On one hand, it’s nice to be told these things like “I used to date girls”, but on the other hand, this is the stuff that destroys relationships. If you can’t fathom having a future together, I wouldn’t stick around to find out how long it takes to go completely insane with jealousy.

Dear Elle,

I really would like to know how much a guy being in shape matters to a girl. I have this debate with a few of my friends who think it doesn’t matter, or matters little. But I say it matters a lot. Who’s right?

M, from NYC

M,

This is the best I can do for you:

It matters a lot: if we want to marry you and procreate with you, and eventually retire and play tennis together, you had best not have high cholesterol when you’re in your 30s. It matters a lot too if we are having an intense fling with you and are only using you for the um, kissing and how you look with your shirt off.
It matters a little: as long as you aren’t busting out of your tux at my best friend’s wedding, we’re okay.
It doesn’t matter at all: if you can’t bench press 3,000 pounds or run 57 miles in an hour.

If you would like to ask Elle a question about dating, relationships or something else ridiculously interesting, send an email to askelle@ploomy.com

Elle Chyun is a dancer and arts collaborator living in NYC. She’s a graduate of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and currently dances with cakefaceart.com and robot hands. She likes vodka, shoes, and sarcasm.

You should follow me on twitter here.