7 Things I Hate Right Now

Editor’s Note: This article was submitted by Associated Jungle.

Disclaimer: If this article offends you then it’s YOU I’m referencing.

I hate:

1. How everything has to be “organic”

organic food

Why does everything have to be “organic” nowadays? And why does it come at a premium? I’m talking about the food. If it’s supposedly better for you, why is it that my doctor never suggests for me to eat organic so as to live a healthier life? You know why? Because it doesn’t quite get the job done… no help… doesn’t work. All foods that are sold in the US have to meet a safety standard, otherwise they wouldn’t sell it to you. The last time I went to Whole Foods I didn’t see the healthiest people, but rather the wealthiest. On that note, screw organic.

My grandparents never ate organic and they lived beyond the age of ninety. Hell, I don’t even think they ever knew what organic was. Half the stuff they ate had an ingredients list of scientific names and secret codes. On the other hand, it tasted good and they lived nearly a century. What you should be avoiding is FAT, not the pesticide and steroids that actually do you and your food a favor. On that note–again–screw organic.

I hope that on the day one of you organic advocates fall ill, you happen to catch me eating a juicy chemical burger.

2. The growing popularity of bicycle hipster-bars

fixie bike handle bars

Who in the world suggested a foot-long handlebar for a bicycle? How does that help? First off, you lose stability and control. Don’t expect to ride any faster nor do any better at avoiding accidents. Secondly, you’re cutting yourself short of oxygen. The further apart your hands are would actually support for better breathing. And last but not least, this trend is most apparent on track bicycles. WHAAAT!? These dummy bars would defeat their entire purpose!!!

3. People who tell me to be more open-minded when they’re the ones following all the latest trends

too cool for school

“What!? You don’t know about yada-yada blah-blah-blah?” This person in reference likes to keep me in check with all the latest gossip and current trends… I hate this guy. I think he likes to belittle me. Why is it that it’s my mind that’s locked up in a chastity belt solely because my interests differ from his? I don’t care about your cool, new hoodie!

I don’t care about who won American Idol or what happened to so-and-so celebrity. And no, I shouldn’t watch it on YouTube and I’m not buying a pair of checkered Vans with a matching belt. Maybe I have it all wrong, but I’ll never enlist in your army of checkered people… Never!

4. When people complain about bad service

ordering coffee

“Excuse me, I’ve been waiting for like 10 minutes for my venti, quad shot, extra hot, light whip, non-dairy, almond latte with extra tapioca balls and that guy got his drink before I did and he was behind me in line and…” Don’t you hate these people? Just be cool, Mr. Nuclear. First of all, it’s only been 4 minutes and the reason how I know is because I ordered my drink before you! And you probably would have had your drink sooner if your order wasn’t so much like a chemistry experiment. You’re not customizing a car, okay? So keep it simple. There are more important things to be concerned with, like Myanmar. Let’s try to keep things into perspective.

5. The “List of 10…”

Top 10 Best and Worst Lists of 2007

Why do I have to know ten things all the time? Why not just three? In the movies it’s always three things I need to know. And who decided that ten was the magic number? Why not give me an odd numbered list? Or how’s about prime numbers? Let’s start using prime numbers. 10 could be like a checkered Vans thing. I’ll see to that.

6. Those visors that drop down and look like welding masks

sun visor

I see these things quite a bit and are popular with older ladies… OK, OK, OK… Asian ladies. Word of advice: Stop wearing them! You know, it’s now possible to get your hands on huge, “fashionable” sunglasses that cover nearly half your face, so why do you still insist on that face window? Do you enjoy simulating a car’s moon roof? I don’t care if you ran out of sun lotion, you’re not a Power Ranger. How do you look at yourself in a full size mirror with that thing on and say to yourself “I’m ready to go”? You’re kidding me right?

7. When girls complain about getting treated better

women who complain

So it went like this.

Her: “Men suck.”
Me: “Why?”
Her: “Guys just don’t know how to treat girls nowadays.”
Me: “How were guys treating you before?”
Her: “Much better! My ex was so sweet and romantic. He would always write me a note on the fridge before he left for work. You know, do little things for me to show me he cared.”
Me: “Why aren’t you with him now?”
Her: “He cheated on me. To this day I still don’t know why.”
Me: “How did you treat him?”
Her: “I did whatever he wanted me to do.”
Me: “Like what?”
Her: “You know, I let him do whatever he wanted.”
Me: “What the hell are you talking about!?”
Her: “What!?”
Me: “You probably didn’t do anything for him!”
Her: “I did!”
Me: “Like what then?”
Her: “…”
Me: “Most guys will always treat a girl well when they’re courting them. It’s give, give, give in the beginning until they get you and that’s when it’s your turn to step it up.”
Her: “Why? I don’t get it?”
Me: “Let me guess, you wanted to be treated like a princess right? You feel like you deserve it right?”
Her: “All women do.”
Me: “You know what, all women DO deserve to be treated like princesses.”
Her: “Damn right!”
Me: “Yeah, you’re right. But if you want a man to treat you like a princess you have to treat them like a KING!”
Her: (dead silence)

photography by:
Jan Tik, faster panda kill kill, digital sophia, mcbarnicle, cappellmeister, Mai Le, Pinkspleen



Comments

63 Responses to “7 Things I Hate Right Now”

  1. Tom on May 29th, 2008 9:42 am

    actually, your grand parents probably did eat organic until the 70s. It just wasn’t marketed.

  2. msmarc on May 29th, 2008 11:00 am

    If you want to put a bunch of GMO’s and pesticides into your body go ahead. Scientists haven’t been able to prove the long term effects of GMO’s and many of the chemicals that go into our foods. I do agree on the visors though, those things look stupid

  3. Joe C. on May 29th, 2008 11:03 am

    That was entertaining.

  4. Chris on May 29th, 2008 3:39 pm

    That’s why I treat my girlfriend like a princess still, she gets the drill :D

  5. james on May 30th, 2008 7:45 am

    Here’s things I hate: People who write culture pieces that have very little culture. I imagine this article was written on a bar napkin at an applebees in suburban columbus over a Big Brewtus Michelob Amber Boch with a few douche bag friends that work in finance. Stick to frat bars and chain restaurants, you sure as hell don’t get it.

    Sorry Ploomy, lost a little respect for you on this article. Maybe you should focus on writing things you understand, like songs to get the party started, and your very well curated Ploomy Girl series. I don’t really have an interest in reading things by that are not only poorly informed, but also poorly written. “Screw organic dude, i can’t afford that shit on my bus boy salary.” Lame dude, how about an article on the drunkest you’ve been at a TGI Friday’s. Douche.

  6. Ploomy Girl #101 on May 30th, 2008 9:17 am

    And I hate haters like James. :-P

    Gotta love Ploomy’s sense of humor, though–posting an article that hates on “Lists of 10″ when they’ve got quite a few of ‘em!

  7. Diamondk21 on May 30th, 2008 11:06 pm

    I hate tapioca balls!!!!!!

  8. dh63 on June 2nd, 2008 11:06 am

    I like “lists of 10″, you owe me 3 :)

  9. Fred Phelps on June 3rd, 2008 1:21 pm

    Being that turning a bike relies more upon leaning than turning the handlebars, I do not see a problem with these.

  10. Matt B. on June 10th, 2008 6:59 am

    There’s a matching belt for my checkered vans?

  11. s.a.m. on June 15th, 2008 12:37 am

    re: #6

    I’m from Silicon Valley aka Asian central. We call those visors Robocops, just in case you cared.

  12. raymond bray on July 1st, 2008 2:55 pm

    The food your grandparents ate was organic. The reason your doctor doesnt tell you too eat organic to be healthier is because they are not taught about it in medical school, and they dont do a lot of preventative medicine these days they just give you drugs for the symptoms of your bad lifestyle. The fact is even doctors that know these healthy changes will make you have a better longer life know that nobody wants to hear about it, so they just keep treating your symptoms. Most times now if you want to know the truth about things like that you need a younger doctor and you will have to ask about it directly.
    Those silly handlebars where popular for about a year in the 90′s . people thought it would make mountain biking easier, as you could pass through slimmer areas. Turns out that you very rarely find yourself in a position where it matters and they give you less leverage when you need it. Why you would put them on your road bike , i havnt a clue. Though they would be about the same width as drop bars. Why fixed gears and no brakes is the real question though. its all a fad and those things seem to come around like fashion. Just wait soon all bike accessories will come in day-glo again.
    So true about women these days(not all). They want to have there cake and eat it too. Our views on the how the sex’s should behave are so confusing right now its a wonder relationships last as long as they do , wich is generally not very long.

  13. j62 on July 9th, 2008 1:58 pm

    The girl meant that she let her boyfriend do what he wanted to with respect to sex. Girls have a hard time saying that straight out.

  14. yaddayaddayadda on July 10th, 2008 8:19 am

    I can’t stand when people post all this bullshit in comments. Seriously, if you enjoy it, laugh, if not, leave.

    But shut your fucking mouth, no one gives a shit anyways.

    Have a nice day! :D

  15. DaMan Conners on July 10th, 2008 8:45 am

    OMG! Whats up with the makeup on those girl’s? Its like MAC gone wild… They look like an Albino Birds lol…Lets talk about bad service, I’ll just get up and leave… You cant conplaine because what if they do something bad to your food? Yackyyyyy i rather leave….

  16. Casey on July 10th, 2008 9:08 pm

    Holy S**t! You and I are kindred spirits. I swore I was reading my own post. Too bad these idiots don’t know anything about organic food. Got news for you … organic food still has chemicals and pesticides on it. Just not pesticides approved by the EPA, and Department of Agriculture. Trust me … I was in the pest control industry for years.

    Funniest job I ever had was having to get to Whole Foods at 3am 2x a month to do the pest control without any of their customers knowing about it … dumbasses LOL!

  17. The Organic Fad is a LIE on July 10th, 2008 10:31 pm

    look up “organic” in a dictionary. it basically means things made from organic compounds, i.e. ANYTHING ALIVE. *all* plants are organic. *all* meat is organic. dairy is organic. organic comes from organisms. it’s called that for a reason. advertisers are only using the word “organic” now the same way they use “fresh” or “wholesome,” and it’s stupid that so many people are falling for the same old tricks in a new way. there isn’t a benefit to eating so-called “organic” food, because it’s the same thing as every other food. “organic” tomatoes are the same fruit as non-organic tomatoes, and the non-organic probably have better pest control and flavor enhancement and size and overall benefit from scientific progress. it’s better. the “organic” that is being marketed today is just that: marketing. if you like it so much, i’ve got some beach property in wyoming you might be interested in.

  18. jon on July 13th, 2008 3:08 pm

    So you pretty much don’t like pretentious douchebags. From the looks of the comments, they don’t seem to like you much, either. ;)

  19. Bob on July 15th, 2008 6:52 am

    My Grandparents ate Organics, yet the life expectancy is LONGER now. Explain that one.

  20. brendan on July 15th, 2008 8:41 pm

    hey man i dont like the hipster bar things. not everybody that rides a fixed gear(as pictured) is a hipster. the only people who ride fixed gears because they are a fashion accessory are hipsters. i ride one and im not a hipster. its my mode of transportation fuck the bus fuck cars and fuck the muni. but the flip down welder liek masks are just retarded. i live in san francisco asian capital of the usa and they are everywhere. i saw some lady wearin one while driving (asian of course) and pulled a left turn on a busy street where it said no left turn. and whoever is asian here im not racist im just sayin that most of the ppl who wear those are asian.(at least in SF)

  21. funny lil article... on July 16th, 2008 5:59 pm

    [...] lil article… 7 Things I Hate Right Now : ploomy – what men need to know the last one is CLASSIC hahaha __________________ "expose yourself to your deepest fear; [...]

  22. Steve on July 16th, 2008 6:45 pm

    James,

    Just because you are a yuppy fag probably living in NYC or San Fran, doesn’t make what the rest of us normal Americans do “lame”. You talking like you have culture makes you a “lamer”, anyone who brags like you and talks down on restaurants that people go to and not spend their entire weeks worth of pay getting high on coke and hitting on girls way out of their league and scene bars in yuppy town does not mean they lack culture. What it means is that they have something you obviously don’t; common sense.

  23. Peter Walters on July 16th, 2008 6:48 pm

    Steve, leave a URL to your blog or at least your full name next time if you want your comment to be taken seriously. At least James did that.

  24. Steve on July 16th, 2008 6:51 pm

    You didn’t either Peter Walters. And I don’t “blog”, happened to find this link through googling.

  25. Carson on July 17th, 2008 4:54 pm

    Bob, your comment shows nothing but sheer ignorance. To think that organic food is the only factor in life expectancy is simply asinine.

  26. Wburg on July 17th, 2008 6:22 pm

    Hating the fads is just as bad as loving them. The only one I whole-heartily agree with is the last one.

    I did notice that you hate 7 things…a prime number.

  27. stephen on July 17th, 2008 7:11 pm

    i need to get some short handlebars like that. they look useful for squeezing between the cars parked on the side of the road and the cars stopped at a red light. i hate the thought of clipping my handlebar on someone’s side view mirror…

    anyways, thanks for the chuckle.

  28. Doop on July 18th, 2008 6:26 am

    I frickin love you.

  29. Brian on July 18th, 2008 10:54 am

    James: FAIL

    Peter: WTF? Since when did it become a requirement to leave a website when you comment? How does that make a comment any more or less credible? I hate to break it to you, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say most of the world does not have a blog. Thank God.

    Great article. I, too, thought I was reading my own post.

  30. veence on July 18th, 2008 10:54 pm

    as long as i get sex my girlfriend gets to feel like a princess

  31. Zuni on July 21st, 2008 5:36 pm

    this list is a total win. everything is so true, especially the complaining about service

  32. zoltan on July 22nd, 2008 3:33 pm

    Yeah, um, if you’d know that narrow bars help you squeeze between cars. duh.

  33. Organics on July 23rd, 2008 3:53 am

    Reading all the retarded comments was almost as fun as reading the article. Organic foods are popular with the same kind of people who buy shit just because it says made from 100% recycled material. It doesn’t cross their mind that the plastic woven purse was made in a sweatshop in southeast asia and contributed to huge amounts of pollution during the processes of manufacturing and distribution.

    Just wondering did anyone else get the comment from james about this being a culture piece from someone who has no culture.. sounds like someone is both ignorant and stuck up. Whether its the KKK or PETA nuts, its all culture, culture is a way of life a mode of thinking. Even if this article was intended to be a culture piece, which I doubt as it seems more like observational comedy, it fulfills the requirements to be about culture, it describes how many people feel about a range of subjects in popular culture and provides humor. I bet james just got offended when he realized someone thought his habit of spending twice as much on organic cucumbers was obsessive.

  34. dude on July 23rd, 2008 3:22 pm

    #4 & #7

    iou 1 beer :D

  35. Lorena on July 27th, 2008 5:40 am

    funny! The funniest one was the people who complained about cust service. I felt touched because I used to be a cust service rep and people kept saying that all the time: “This is not good customer service” (just because I could not get you the impossible thing you demanded!) “You dont know how to do your job” (because you do, right, you think you can tell me how, right?) “If you dont give me what I want I need to speak to the president of the company” (Ok, first of all the president of the company does not speak to customers you moron, and second, do you think it is reasonable to get a month of free cable just because it did not work for a day??? mmmm??)

  36. stergeron on July 27th, 2008 2:19 pm

    @ Lorena – I agree. The customer is always right……to a certain point.

  37. Simon on July 27th, 2008 4:20 pm

    haha I love the last one

  38. Some random guy on July 30th, 2008 10:46 am

    #1 and #3 totally agree.

    I mostly agree with complaining about customer service since I don’t want to be a douche complaining about my order, but when they forget to put meat on a hamburger, I politely tell them that they screwed up :)

  39. Peter on August 1st, 2008 9:18 am

    I hate people that can’t keep their mouth shut and just appreciate how some people might like bicycles or some people like to be fashionable or some people might wear funny looking visors. People are unique. That’s the fun part.

  40. JD on August 1st, 2008 10:30 pm

    Dude, don’t be stupid about organics. The chemicals they put in foods that your grandparents ate weren’t a hundred different “untested” chemicals. What’s in food now is a lot different than back then. Other than that, I totally agree with everything else.

  41. Alice on August 2nd, 2008 3:17 pm

    dude… you just really gave me the shits. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT WEIRD BICYCLES AND ORGANIC FOOD, THINK ABOUT TIBET, WHERE FAMILIES ARE GETTING GASSED FOR SHAVING THIER HEADS! YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE! stop whining, and go get a job at a soup kitchen. you pretentious fuck.

  42. Ben on August 3rd, 2008 8:54 am

    I also hate listening/reading articles about people complaining about other people complaining. Nice work.

  43. Blake on August 4th, 2008 7:56 pm

    I totally agree on your last one. So many women complain about “men” (apparently 49.6% of the planet) but don’t even think about how they should be treating them in return. I’ve always treated my girlfriend like a princess and I don’t ever feel like stopping because she knows to treat me with the same respect I give to her.

  44. Boby on August 4th, 2008 11:33 pm

    Dude! Bro, I totally love your article. I mean fuck those kids on bikes, I mean every one knows their fucking in the way and shit. Its so fucking retarted of them to ride their bikes in the street! Then they think they can cut through cars and shit! Its just fucking lame, when Im driving around in my brand new fucking H3 and some douche bag is taking up a whole lane! Seriously why dont they just get a fucking car. I bet they all fucking voted against George W. Bush!

    ps And as far as all you fuckers who eat “organic” food for the price of one burger at Whole Foods you can buy like 15 burgers at McDonalds!

  45. raymond Bray on August 5th, 2008 8:17 pm

    The comment made about organic foods all having pesticides in them is totally wrong. I live in Eugene Oregon and we have a ton of organic farms here . I and many of my friends have worked at them for extra cash and there are no chemical’s being used on the food grown at these farms. Also trying to say that lifespans being longer now than then, as if organic foods are the only factor in this is ignorant.
    Keep eating crap food and you will soon find out why lifespans are longer. I am sure you will enjoy your many visits to the doctor and hospital. Along with the many meds you will be taking. to keep your unhealthy ass alive.

  46. Celticdawg on August 6th, 2008 12:33 am

    I love it when people take a humor list seriously.

  47. L Grant on August 6th, 2008 4:12 am

    So as not to get off on the wrong foot let me first say that this list was humorous, especially entry #7.

    As for the organic foods, this list make some humorous observations. It also delves into sticky areas which people have strong feelings about as they relate to pertinent social issues. Then again, this is part of what makes it so funny. However, it is not at all surprising the number of rants correcting the list’s copious amount misinformation.

    To add my two cents, you should not waste effort avoiding fat. A balanced diet includes fat. As for keeping a healthy weight, any source of calories may be turned into cellulite if unused. The trick is to simply stop eating so fucking much.

  48. God on August 14th, 2008 9:58 am

    STOP COMPLAINING

  49. Nic on August 27th, 2008 5:52 am

    I thought anything that was carbon based was organic…

    i also find it quite ironic that you are bagging out organic foods… then at the end of the article there’s a google advertisement for organic food hehehe

  50. henri on August 27th, 2008 7:53 am

    That’s how google adsense works you idiot. don’t take the article so seriously, can’t you tell it’s meant to be statirical???

  51. Mike Calimbas on August 27th, 2008 3:13 pm

    I have seen everything on this list on twitter at least once. Twitter-culture, the new emo! :-)

  52. Kurrus on August 28th, 2008 3:52 pm

    Sup guys, Stumbler talking.

    I found this pretty funny, except #4. I mean, sometimes people complain about a bad service because they get a bad service. You’re probably referring to that pissy kind of customer that gets annoyed by the smallest, most stupid mistake, error or anything.

  53. stergeron on August 28th, 2008 4:06 pm

    @Kurrus – Yah that’s what we meant. Most people are usually understanding if it’s unintentional, but sometimes there are people who just don’t get it and are idiots.

    This list was trying to be satirical, but think most people got that.

    Thanks for stumbling in!

  54. John on August 31st, 2008 10:25 pm

    I hate that you have publicly mocked something that I do/enjoy on a regular basis! How dare you – a person I know nothing about – question the superiority of my life decisions!?

    I will now restore my sense of superiority and righteousness by mocking you with truthiness delivered in a condescending tone!

  55. Tor on September 2nd, 2008 10:29 am

    Raymond Bray was right. Unfortunately, the medical establishment is a business like any other business. And business needs customers. Organics is not about business – it’s about holistic healing. It’s a calling, it’s a gift. You see, it’s in the best interest of the medical profession that you remain sick. That insures good business. You’re not a patient. You’re a customer. You see, you are in disharmony. Every day I drink a special organic concoction containing crampbark, cleavers and some couchgrass.

  56. skankityspence on September 5th, 2008 3:21 am

    awesome list lol so true.

  57. avtorentacar on September 14th, 2008 6:05 pm

    Well some additions maybe?
    How about “list of 5″ and “list of 7″
    j/k about the last.

  58. /b/ on September 19th, 2008 11:28 am

    Do you also take that pretentious stick out of your asshole to drink that every day Tor?

  59. Mike on October 30th, 2008 8:08 am

    Stop trying so hard.

  60. Jonny on November 8th, 2008 11:42 pm

    That was entertaining. How about “list of 5″ and “list of 7″? ;o)

  61. chad on November 13th, 2008 10:43 pm

    agree 100%

  62. eleanor on December 2nd, 2008 1:40 pm

    dude…ppl trip too much off this list…it’s just entertainment!! chill n move on.

    getting into cussing & being mean to each other is superrr silly.

    geez get a life. laugh n move on.

    it was entertaining to read the list….and the comments following. hee hee thank god for blogs.

    but we DO need to stop complaining & start apprciatin’.

    ppl are different. thats the way god made us n im glad. b/c i sure as heck don’t want a clone of me. heh heh

  63. Nick on January 31st, 2009 10:08 am

    I agree with eleanor, it seems all this fuss over this one article is unnecessary. You can just read it and laugh (because I think it was mostly supposed to be funny) or you can disagree with it and press ‘back’. We don’t need to cuss out someone just because they have a different viewpoint. By the way, #3 and #6 were very funny.




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