Setting: another Saturday night in Anytown, USA.

Mission: to go home by yourself.

Huh? Yes, tonight you’re taking a backseat and playing wingman. You might already be in a relationship, so your game is all bottled up. Or you might have been scoring like Wilt lately, so you just want to spread the wealth. Through the role of a wingman, who can ironically double as a breastman or assman, you can utilize your swagger vicariously through your homie. Having a happy ending for him is just as rewarding as it would be for you. While the amount of your single guy friends dwindle with age, there are those that just need an assist to score. Learning these tips on how to be a good wingman is easy. And here’s how to give your best John Stockton impersonation.


How to Be a Good Wingman

Tips on How to Be a Good Wingman

Ready, Set, Go

Even before the night starts, you need to ensure your guy is on point. If you can get past your homophobia, then make sure his appearance is acceptable. His clothes should be stylish and pressed, cologne should be aromatic but not overbearing, and most importantly his breath shouldn’t be funkier than George Clinton.

Catching Feelings

The good wingman leaves his feelings at home, partly because he knows he still got it or better yet, he simply doesn’t have them. Since you have nothing to lose, you should have the courage to step up to a group of chicks and endure the consequences, either good or bad. You are the link between your buddy and a potential bunny, so you need to be as strong as Tony Stark.

Maintain a Mouthpiece

Any good wingman’s best trait is the gift of gab. The point man should take notes on your approach, since one day he aspires to be the wingman for another buddy to preserve the circle of brotherhood. Maintain eye contact, seem interested and know how to segue into other topics. Know your buddy’s accomplishments and positive traits that separate him from the other guys he’s competing against, including yourself. If the deal gets closed, your commission will result in good karma for a long time.

The Boxer’s Corner

Yep, that’s essentially what you need to do. Do you think Rocky would’ve won those fights without Duke as his wingman? Between rounds of drinks or rounds of chicks, you need to ensure your guy is focused and ready for action. A little pep talk to stroke his ego doesn’t hurt, but blunt honesty goes further. Make sure he doesn’t have something in his grill or a booger hanging from his nostril. Also you should know the plan of attack and scout the talent like you’re at an NFL combine. Be his eyes, so be sure not to get too tipsy. Know when to cut the losses and when to pursue other alternatives.

The Sacrifice

Sometimes it’s necessary to swallow your pride and step up to the unattractive friend. Yes, unfortunately we can’t be like CoinStar and separate the dimes, so we need to appease these “well, she’s got a great personality” types. She is not leaving her friend’s side all night, so use this opportunity to build your friends MO. You might be the alpha male in your crew, but today you need to convert from the Man to the wingman. Takes notes from Trace Ayala – Justin Timberlake’s BFF – who bagged hottie Elisha Cuthbert while JT was messing with a haggard Cameron Diaz.

So remember these pointers the next time you have Guys Night Out. Of course you should follow the 11th Commandment of Thou Shall not Cockblock. These rules can apply to basically any type of social setting, just beware they are definitely not applicable for the strip club.



Comments

14 Responses to “How to Be a Good Wingman”

  1. soo on May 1st, 2008 5:15 am

    I definitely agree with the last one about sacrafice. Being unselfish is IMHO the most important part of being a good wing. I’d also say that natural extroversion, charisma, and humor also helps.

    (btw, I’m linking to Ploomy in my blogroll)

  2. MSBautista on May 1st, 2008 9:30 am

    Very entertaining read. I especially like the boxer’s corner (haha booger!) and the sacrifice.

    Just one thing, you think it’s okay for a guy in a committed relationship to play wingman for his boy? I’d hope there’s boundaries for the guy in the relationship…

  3. Goose on May 1st, 2008 2:50 pm

    #1 rule, Wingman always takes one for the team, committed relationship or not. That includes the “well, she’s got a great personality” types and sitting next to you in jail.

  4. reegsta on May 1st, 2008 4:43 pm

    Yes I think its definitely okay for him to play wingman. Its like that one scene from Saved by the Bell when Zac was interested in that college chick, and Slater tagged along to go to the Attic. And all AC started doing was showing pics of him and Jesse. But Zac had so much game he didn’t need a wingman.

  5. CommentURL.com | A world of interesting web pages on May 2nd, 2008 10:25 am

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  6. Terry on May 2nd, 2008 4:12 pm

    This might be pedantic, but c’mon, guys, girls don’t get “bagged.” A woman wants respect and control.

  7. Jye Smith » Blog Archive » Being a goodwing man on May 6th, 2008 4:46 pm

    [...] article from Ploomy on how to be a good wingman. An essential element to having mates. More than just a desirable friend attribute, being a wingman [...]

  8. Alano on May 22nd, 2008 1:43 pm

    Excellent article. For crazier tips please watch some past episodes of How I Met Your Mother. NPH is hilarious and one of the greatest Wingmen on todays sitcoms. Legendary!!!

  9. Andy on August 12th, 2008 5:33 pm

    I love the Wingman Laws #1 and #6:

    Wingman Law #1 – Always be there for your wingman. If you get shot down at least you’ll go down together.

    Wingman Law #6 – Dont be selfish! Support, not personal gain, is imperative to being a great wingman.

  10. Steve on August 20th, 2008 2:02 pm

    awesome reading here, man. Being a wingman for your buddy is basically malebonding. Most chicks just don’t understand the importance of malebonding with your buddies…….boys night out, double teaming a chick together, whatever. When a man can be a wingman for his buddy, take it with pride.

  11. Celticdawg on August 20th, 2008 6:00 pm

    Hell, being a wingman can be fun. There is virtually no stress on you so you can enjoy. Also, some of the best conversations I’ve had have been with the “great personality” types. And yes, Terry, I agree. Women do not get bagged…another thing you need to watch for, wingmen. Check your normal guy language at the door.

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  14. Cama on January 15th, 2011 8:33 am

    My buddy thought this girl at a pub was cute, so I helped him get her phone number. Later I encouraged him to call her and he did, so now they have a date tonight.

    But she wants to bring some girlfriend with her to meet him, so that means I have to go too now. What do I do in this generally awkward scenario? Maybe just try to engage her friend all night so my buddy can focus on the other girl, the one he likes?

    I have a bad feeling about her needing to bring a friend, especially when my buddy is the least sinister most genuine guy, but I have to support him and I’m not sure what to do tonight. Help?




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