Setting: another Saturday night in Anytown, USA.
Mission: to go home by yourself.
Huh? Yes, tonight you’re taking a backseat and playing wingman. You might already be in a relationship, so your game is all bottled up. Or you might have been scoring like Wilt lately, so you just want to spread the wealth. Through the role of a wingman, who can ironically double as a breastman or assman, you can utilize your swagger vicariously through your homie. Having a happy ending for him is just as rewarding as it would be for you. While the amount of your single guy friends dwindle with age, there are those that just need an assist to score. Learning these tips on how to be a good wingman is easy. And here’s how to give your best John Stockton impersonation.
Tips on How to Be a Good Wingman
Ready, Set, Go
Even before the night starts, you need to ensure your guy is on point. If you can get past your homophobia, then make sure his appearance is acceptable. His clothes should be stylish and pressed, cologne should be aromatic but not overbearing, and most importantly his breath shouldn’t be funkier than George Clinton.
The good wingman leaves his feelings at home, partly because he knows he still got it or better yet, he simply doesn’t have them. Since you have nothing to lose, you should have the courage to step up to a group of chicks and endure the consequences, either good or bad. You are the link between your buddy and a potential bunny, so you need to be as strong as Tony Stark.
Maintain a Mouthpiece
Any good wingman’s best trait is the gift of gab. The point man should take notes on your approach, since one day he aspires to be the wingman for another buddy to preserve the circle of brotherhood. Maintain eye contact, seem interested and know how to segue into other topics. Know your buddy’s accomplishments and positive traits that separate him from the other guys he’s competing against, including yourself. If the deal gets closed, your commission will result in good karma for a long time.
The Boxer’s Corner
Yep, that’s essentially what you need to do. Do you think Rocky would’ve won those fights without Duke as his wingman? Between rounds of drinks or rounds of chicks, you need to ensure your guy is focused and ready for action. A little pep talk to stroke his ego doesn’t hurt, but blunt honesty goes further. Make sure he doesn’t have something in his grill or a booger hanging from his nostril. Also you should know the plan of attack and scout the talent like you’re at an NFL combine. Be his eyes, so be sure not to get too tipsy. Know when to cut the losses and when to pursue other alternatives.
Sometimes it’s necessary to swallow your pride and step up to the unattractive friend. Yes, unfortunately we can’t be like CoinStar and separate the dimes, so we need to appease these “well, she’s got a great personality” types. She is not leaving her friend’s side all night, so use this opportunity to build your friends MO. You might be the alpha male in your crew, but today you need to convert from the Man to the wingman. Takes notes from Trace Ayala – Justin Timberlake’s BFF – who bagged hottie Elisha Cuthbert while JT was messing with a haggard Cameron Diaz.
So remember these pointers the next time you have Guys Night Out. Of course you should follow the 11th Commandment of Thou Shall not Cockblock. These rules can apply to basically any type of social setting, just beware they are definitely not applicable for the strip club.