Mar 5, 2008

10 Surefire First Date Conversation Tips

10 Surefire First Date Conversation Tips
Photography by Delgoff.

Let’s face it, first dates are tough. After you’ve finally figured out where you’re going to take her, what you’re going to wear, and what cologne to put on, you still have one tall order to fill: What are you going to talk about? This is where many women say most men come up short.

We asked 35 real women to tell us what men should know about conversation on a first date. This is what they said.

1. Make Eye Contact

During your conversation, maintaining good eye contact is crucial. This shows her that you are both paying attention and have nothing to hide. Pretend it’s like Star Trek and use your tractor beam on her, but don’t do the longing eyes googly moogly stuff. Your eye contact should be direct, but remember it’s not a staring contest.

“Eye contact is good, but keep your focus on my face. Do not stare at my chest. When I’m talking, I want to know you’re paying full attention. Don’t stare around the room and definitely don’t glance at your cell phone, even if your best friend just texted the score of the game.” - Gina

2. Be Confident

The same way dogs can smell fear, a woman can smell insecurity a mile away. Don’t think for a second they don’t know the difference between a cocky and confident man. You should project an air of quiet confidence at all times. If you’re insecure, stay home (or read 30 Tips to Help You Get Your Swagger Back).

“Your date will be just as nervous as you so don’t be shy…because if you’re both quiet the date will be even more uncomfortable.” - Geraldine

3. Follow the 40/60 Rule

There’s a reason why we were born with two ears and only one mouth and that’s because it’s harder and requires much more effort to be a good listener. Give her your full attention. Practice the 40/60 Rule. You should be talking 40% and listening 60% of the time. Two ways to show you are listening is to paraphrase and ask good follow-up questions. You don’t have to tell her your whole life story; just leave clues. If she is interested, she’ll ask you–let her play Nancy Drew.

“Don’t reveal too much on the first date. A little mystery is always appreciated.” - Sylvia

“While a date is about getting to know someone, too many ‘I’s’ comes off as self-centered. Instead, ask ‘Do you’ or ‘Have you,’ wait for response and then add your two cents.” - Pearl

“Don’t brag about your Benz, your money, your house, or your $500 jeans. Unless the girl is a money-hungry hussie, all that superficial crap is not impressive. It’s more irritating than anything.” - Ella Mei

4. Tell Her What You Are Passionate About

When we talk about things we are truly passionate about, there is almost always a certain type of energy or excitement we exude. Tell her about what makes you tick, what gets you going, the projects you are involved with and how much fun you have doing it.

“I wouldn’t have said yes to the first date if I didn’t already think he was cute. On the first date, what I’m really looking for is for him to show me he has some fire under the hood.” - Kelli

5. Make Her Laugh

They say humor is the shortest distance between two people. Heed this advice and make her laugh so hard the pasta noodle comes out her nose. If you can make her laugh at least 5 times during the date, you’re halfway home.

“It’s good to be funny, so make jokes, but don’t be too schtick-y. I would avoid overly sexual jokes, or anything that could be seen as racist or sexist (at least until you get to know her better).” - Emily

“I’ll be honest, if a guy can make me laugh on a first date, there will definitely be a second.” - Patricia

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18 Comments, Comment or Ping

David Carmona (pixellite.com)

“Pretend it’s like Star Trek and use your tractor beam on her, but don’t do the longing eyes googly moogly stuff.”

What an awesome line from the get-go,..Thank you and wonderful articles targeted towards dorks like me. I continue to read your wonderful paragraphs and hopefully…just hopefully….one day,…I’ll be able to talk to a girl….All because of you,…THANK YOU PLOOMY!

I was stuck on visiting men.com, and came to the realization that all they cared about was ad’s,..I love being here.

Mar 6th, 2008
jayleck

Sometimes too much ME TOO’s can get annoying. I prefer to have a little bit of difference with the gal and mix it up. The best first date conversations are the one’s that start off with a good toasting. Good read.

Mar 6th, 2008
Peter Holt

This is horseshit. Women don’t want to be talked to like this. They want you to talk 90% of the time and be manly. This is for sensitive guys only. Wimps.

Mar 7th, 2008
Anna in D.C.

I enjoyed the read. Gentlemen, it’s true you all talk way too much. Make us feel special and make it all about us on the first date.

On the first date….pick us up, pull the chair out for me, let me order first, let me talk before you interrupt, and definitely pay for the bill.

Is that asking for too much?

Mar 7th, 2008
a girl

Peter. Women want men to talk 90% of the time… and bore the shit of her? Either you impress her SO much about yourself that she can care less if you blab all night, OR… you just don’t get laid much. My guess is that you do neither.

Mar 7th, 2008
V-may

1) guys shouldn’t compliment too much.. it makes them
seem insincere. 2 or 3 on a date is great!

2) and avoid touchy subjects like religion and
politics. you want to keep the conversation light and
get to know the person. you don’t want to argue about
different views on the 1st date!!!

Mar 7th, 2008
percy

Based on the comments from the women who contributed to this article, I don’t think I’d date not a one of them. Let guys be guys would you. The last thing we want is to change who we are for you. This is the problem with most girls these days. They read crap like this and then cry to their girlfriends on why he won’t change for you. I am now happily engaged, but have done my fair share of dating in my time. Girls expect guys to kneel before them and tell them everything they want to hear and then get all pissed when we aren’t the same 2 months in. Well I got something for you ladies to hear, we’re not changing. And the ones that do are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Mar 7th, 2008
resultsoriented

Thanks for the article ploomy. Timely for me.

Mar 7th, 2008
Jenn

The best I advice could give you guys is just to be “refreshing”. More than anything just be refreshing.

Mar 7th, 2008
THE ONE

great points….but i go with one simple rule BEING MYSELF…and if she isn’t feeling me then so be it…move on to the next

Mar 7th, 2008
mira

i agree entirely with percy and “the one”. really, just be yourself. why waste time on a broad who won’t like you for who you are. otherwise, you’re working too hard to impress the wrong girl for you.

Mar 7th, 2008
kram

i agree. be yourself. but i think some people here are taking it way over the top. “first date” tips, not “lifetime tips”.

Mar 7th, 2008
trekkie4u

I really tried using my tractor beam on this one girl, but it didn’t work….turns out she’s a freakin Clingon anyways!!! loved the article. if any of you girls out there want a date, email me at trekkie4u at gmail dot com.

Mar 7th, 2008
Clark Kent

Great advice! I’ll be sure to use it.

Mar 9th, 2008
CGROOVE

I don’t think this list was ordered, but I think one of these points in particular can override most others: make her laugh.

If you can make a girl laugh to it hurts easily, she’ll already be interested. Once she’s laughing, all the other aspects will fall into place.

Mar 16th, 2008
jozsefff

“If you’re insecure, stay home.” Umm, I think I’d just rather stick with suicide.

Mar 19th, 2008