We all remember the basics our mothers taught us about table manners–no elbows on the dinner table and don’t talk with your mouth full. But ever wonder which fork to use for your salad or how to signal a waiter at a fancy restaurant? Read on and learn the basic table manner tips that will be sure to impress your date, girlfriend/wife’s parents, employers or whomever you dine with.
Table Setting Placement
In formal settings, all the silverware, glassware, cups, saucers and the like are placed on the table, so it’s often difficult to know which fork to use when or which water glass is yours. As a general rule to thumb, silverware is lined up in the order in which a person will use them, going from the outside, in. For instance, the fork and knife used for the salad are placed in the outermost of the setting, farthest from your plate (with the exception of the spoon). Dessert silverware, if not brought out with the dessert, are placed at the top of your entrée plate. Glassware, cup and saucer are placed to your right, while the napkin, bread plate and butter spreader to your left.
10 Table Manner Tips
Now that you know how the table setting is laid out and when to use each, here are 10 table manner tips for the duration of the meal:
- When dining with six or more, it’s polite to wait till roughly 50% of the table has their food before starting your meal. In smaller groups, wait until the entire table has their food, unless food temperature is at high risk in decreasing the enjoyment of the meal, and/or others at the table incessantly insist you begin.
- You can and should use your knife to cut large pieces of lettuce or other ingredients in your salad. Nothing is worse than trying to shove a large piece of lettuce in your mouth and having some of it stick out. (No brainer, but this applies to your entrée as well.)
- The proper way to butter a piece of bread is to rip off a piece that’s about one or two bites in size, butter it, and eat it. Repeat. Never bite straight into a roll, and refrain from cutting it in half and buttering.
- While cutting meat, the correct way is to cut a piece and then switch your fork to your right hand to pick it up. This method is considered the “American” way. Not switching your fork and using your left is called the “Continental” way, and is done most often in European countries. This way is gaining acceptance and I wouldn’t be surprised if one day soon it’s considered acceptable in fine dining. Also, cut meat a piece at a time. Cutting the entire meat up into pieces or cutting more than one at a time is tacky.
- Wipe your mouth before taking a sip of your drink. It’s unsightly to see food particles or grease on the rim of your glass. Also, it’s considered rude to take a sip of your drink with your mouth full. Plus, backwash is gross!
- When leaving the table during the course of your meal, put your napkin on your chair, not the table. No one wants to see your stained napkin. And at the completion of the meal, place it on the left of your plate, or if your plate has been cleared, in the center.
- When in a situation where you have to pass food or condiments to others at the table, pass it to your right, or counter clockwise. Never do a “boarding house reach” across the table.
- When you don’t want to swallow a piece of food in your mouth (e.g. a bone or a piece of fat), move the piece to the front of your mouth and use your fork (or spoon if that’s what you were using) to retrieve it from your mouth and into the side of your plate. The only time its okay to use your fingers is when it’s a fish bone.
- To get the waiter’s attention, the most polite way is to make eye contact. However chances are they are busy and/or are ignoring you. It’s acceptable to raise your hand to head level, just don’t go overboard by raising it way above your head and wave it about.
- When you’re done with your meal, the proper placement of the silverware is to lay them parallel to each other and across the plate with the handles facing the right. To clarify, the ends would be facing 10 o’clock and four. Note: Not all waiters will know this and they still may ask you if it’s okay to clear your plate. At least you appear classy.
After reading this, you may realize you may not have as good table manners as you thought you did. (It’s okay, it happens to the best of us.) And honestly, I’m not saying this is the “be all, end all” of lists, but if you follow these table manner tips, you’ll be a step closer towards proper table etiquette.
photography by Richard Gifford
Comments
109 Responses to “Table Manner Tips Every Guy Should Know”
dood,…i haven’t eaten with my parents in YEARS,…at least for diner,…and if I meet a girl that cares how I look when I eat,….i would say SEE-YA LATER!
classy for me, is when….the cook spends the most time preparing all the ingredients and fresh products…..classy doesn’t come in the form of ‘good table manners’ for me.
either way….dam i love eating…
Some of these are good….what you left out are the people who have entire conversations w/ food sloshing around in their mouth.
Talking excessively w/ your mouth full of food is one of the rudest things around. Especially in the workplace. Lunch meetings are the worst – please don’t take a bite BEFORE addressing everyone at the table. Also, don’t pork out and have like 3 helpings of lunch while we’re all watching you. Pork out later behind closed doors.
I think guys get a bad rap about table manners…honestly, the trend I’ve noticed is that this new generation of women/girls are much more blatently rude. It’s not flattering.
good read MSB…
Here are a couple other pointers I’ve picked up along the way…
- just like at church, you should silence your cell phone, which may be obvious
- if sommeone says “pass the salt,” you should pass along the pepper as well, since they should always be paired together
- don’t eat off another person’s plate. if they offer you some food, just place it on your own
happy dining!
Let’s be real here. These are great tips. There’s no argument there. But these are table manner tips to follow if you want to get shagged. If you are already getting shagged then you don’t have to follow these.
I also want to add:
1) Please don’t place your foot on top of an empty chair next to yours, while grubbin’ on your KFC wings
2) Or do the fob squat next to the dinner table, while everyone else is properly sitting in their chairs
3) Suck in air loudly between your teeth to get rid of that small piece of kimchee leaf
4) When you’re done with your soju, please don’t yell out to the waitress, “Woman. Give me more soju!”
I know… baby steps. Baby steps.
:) This was fun.
David & Jayleck – grow up boys. Good manners is the cost of living in society. And Jayleck – if you give up these manners once your shagging someone full-time, don’t be the least bit surprised when she eventually goes elsewhere for “manners”.
Also, to correct #10. Sideways is an indicator of a meal that is as yet unfinished. The fork and knife, paired together, with the handles pointing directly toward you is the indicator that you are finished completely.
Don’t hunch over your plate with your arms on the table like you’re afraid someone’s going to steal your food. Keep arms and elbows off the table till after the meal is over.
Number 4 I didn’t know about, I guess I’ve always done it the continental way and not realized it.
I believe its proper to show right etiquette when visiting parents or having any guests over at your place,and dining period. Its because when you show respect then people respect you more , and besides when we are hungry DONT WE WANT THE FREE FOOD VISITING OTHER PEOPLE EVEN IT MEANS SACRIFICING ELBOWS ON A TABLE.
Besides when was the last time you ate out with friends and they wanted to pick up the tab? Theirs an order of etiquette their for example , men should pick up the tab always when taking a date out to dinner in a fancy restaurant , otherwise not only is it disrespectful, you are not a gentleman.
But enough discipline involving silverware, dinnerware, and fluffy poodles at our feet.
I stumbled across this great movie site, which is worth checking out because its planning on being like “Omega Code, Celestine Prophecy, Devils Prey, and Da VInci Code Movies.
napkin on the CHAIR? that is just disgusting. the sitting surface of any seat is one of the most germ-ridden places possible. how could you even suggest such a disgusting thing? i don’t care what’s traditional or not, that is something i will never do. tough cookies if you have to look at a stain on a napkin.
I’m not sure where you picked this stuff up from, but you’re a little off base (though it’s nice to see people actually caring about etiquette again).
The correct placement of your knife and fork at the end of service is facing 12 O’clock, not off to the side of your plate.
The “outside to inside” rule falls apart when the chef decides that the service order is not what you expect. Many places believe that the salad is properly served after the entree or that fish comes after salad but before the entree. Learn what each fork looks like. The main fork is the largest, followed by a very similar looking smaller salad fork. Anything left over is either a fork for an extra course or some flavour of fish fork.
Always keep your fork in your left hand. Never switch or start with the right hand.
When cutting meat, make sure that you let the knife do the work. Saw the meat by holding the blade at about 45 degrees to the plate and using the tip of the knife.
Always pass the condiments to the closest neighbour who’s paying attention going in the direction of the person desiring the condiments. Where the heck did, “always go counter-clockwise” come from?
Some other advice:
1) Always move your spoon away from you when spooning soup and
2) Remember that your bun is always on your left.
3) Taste your food before you salt it or put other condiments on it.
4) Learn to turn your plate with your baby fingers so that the food you’re looking to eat is closest to you on the plate.
5) Be polite and understanding to your waiter. They are not your personal dinner servant so treat them like the professional and invaluable member of the dining experience that they are.
6) Never turn your fork so that the tynes are pointing up. There are very few courses where only one fork is used. In fact, it is becoming fashionable for the salad course to be provided an extra “salad knife”.
Finally, the point of table etiquette is to make other people feel comfortable and to show respect to the various people involved in your meal. If you just remember that simple point, no matter how “gauche” you act, you’ll always be classy.
To show that your done with your meal, I believe you put the napkin on the plate.
This is in response to the first comment by David.
While I understand these rules may sound outdated, they are still in practice by many people.
You can easily say, “See ya later,” to anyone who scrutinizes you about the way you eat, but for the most part, it’s like a secret club. This can be especially important in a potential job interview or client meeting. They may be judging if they want to hire or do business with you based on your demeanor or manners.
Do I think that’s it’s right that people would do that? Not necessarily, but I think these tips help offer you a clue as to how to play by their game if you’re ever in the situation. I say all tips to help you “win the game” are beneficial.
Another tip that can be helpful…it’s considered rude to push your plate away from you when you’re finished with your meal.
one to be added is, when a woman stands up to go to the restroom, the man should stand up as well.
You wouldn’t be surprised if the European way is considered acceptable soon?! Well, in the meantime, please forgive us Europeans and our primitive ways at the dining table..
I don’t know anything now. I was taught in etiquette classes to use fork with left, knife with right. Upon cutting off the piece of meat you plan to eat, you move it from your left hand to your right, placing your knife on the top right quarter of the plate with the cutting side pointing into the center. (knife crossing 12 handle crossing 4oclock). Also my etiquette teacher taught me to leave both my knife and fork on top right hand corner of the plate tines down, knife on the outside with the blade pointing inward, to signify you’re finished.
She also stated a criss cross across the plate when you excuse yourself to signify you’re not done.
dammit I’m hungry
No. 4; I love it, Americans dutifully moving their forks to their right hands to carefully ape the behaviour of whichever of the 17th century British kings it was that had a whithered hand.
The rest of the world moved on.
#8 is wrong. Never ever spit unwanted food back into plain view, use a napkin if you must.
No idea where a lot of these daft ideas came from. Swapping fork from left to right? Always go counter clockwise? Absolute madness! If you want etiquette, or more importantly to demonstrate good manners rather than look like trailer trash, James B, above, has it exactly right.
i just fukken eat lol
You do not leave your napkin on a chair. You make a reasonable effort to fold it and leave it next to your plate. In any decent restaurant, if you leave it on your chair a waiter will come along and fold it over the arm of the chair, or put it next to your plate (or bring you a new one.)
When removing a piece of food from your mouth, use a fork, but for god’s sake, cover it with a napkin or your hand.
Also, I’ve never seen anyone switch their fork. That’s nonsense. What do we left-handers do?
Excellent point about making others feel comfortable and respected.
David: hahaha! Your table manners will only attract girls that don’t wear knickers on a first date -then again you may like that…
I find “American” table manners a complete joke. Since when did the “rugged American individuals” all of a sudden want to tone down their “ruggedness” and start pretending to be Europeans but developing their own etiquette such as switching hands? Eat however’s most comfortable while not making others feel awkward, and that’s the true meaning behind table manners.
And the whole not cutting your meat into pieces first is just complete BS. Wouldn’t it be easier if you cut all the pieces first? I mean, who wants to switch hands every time they took a bite? It’s ridiculous!
Bottom line:
The supposed “standard table manners” is just the elitist’s method of identifying and humilifying any non-elitists who don’t go to “fine-dinning” every night; therefore it’s a practice used to discriminate against the middle and lower class by the fags who think they’re too rich. Since we are all in pursuit of being rich and displaying our financial ability to afford fine dinning, many middle class hypocrits catch on to these “manners” and look down upon others who may eat politely but simply without the douchebag-like inconveniences such as passing the plates COUNTERCLOCKWISE!
I mean FFS, it’s trying to give you tips on how to have “class”
I thought America was a classless society!
Regarding no. 1: At a dinner party, you never begin eating before the hostess (or host) does, unless the they direct you to “please begin, don’t wait for me” etc. In restaurants you wait until everybody is served before eating, unless, again, those who haven’t been served say “go ahead and start.”
At a dinner party, the table is set to reflect the order of the dishes served, and you work outside in with cutlery. If it’s a very formal, many-course dinner with a complicated place setting and you’re in doubt about which utensil to use, wait and watch to see which one the hostess uses.
Salad after the entree and before dessert is French service and the table setting would reflect that with the dinner fork to the outside. I’m now 62 and what I grew up with was called Russian service with the salad at the beginning of the meal in lieu of an appetizer or after an appetizer. That isn’t exactly what Russian service actually is, and today its called American service. It’s the most common way a formal meal is served in America today. At a casual meal or restaurant the salad can be served at the same time as the entree and the same fork is used for both.
These rules have adjusted over the years. If you look at an etiquette book of the 1950s you’ll find that what was considered an “informal” meal back then would be considered a “formal” meal today. And what they called “casual” we would call “informal.” “Casual” for us is a picnic.” An actual formal meal back then would be more akin to a state dinner these days.
That this collection of ‘rules’ has been written up shows the folly of the notion itself. When dealing with the social graces, there are a hundred ways to act gracious. Unfortunately, they differ from one Erma Bombeck to another.
The fact that you wrote these rules, then James said you were wrong, points up the ridiculousness of the idea.
If you want to eat, drink, and be merry, do so the way you feel comfortable–and don’t be a boor.
If you want to just be prissy, memorize these rules (and James’) and watch how stupidly you stumble through your next meal (and annoy your dining companions.)
Seriously. I’m not a stickler when it comes to manners, really, but I can’t stand being able to hear people eat in any way. Grosses me out.
But other than that it’s all fair game, I also hate being anywhere near the smelly homeless in san francisco,….because they try to eat your food,…or inject crack into your veins….
good day.
-dave
Let’s make eating as rigid and unpleasant as possible. The only reason anyone should ever follow these rules is if they’re in a business meeting with stuffy jerks and impressing them is the only way to make some money. I eat however I want, and I’d probably tell somebody who corrected my manners at the table to go to hell.
I would offer a different perspective regarding number 8 from the above article. Please consider NOT fishing for food from your mouth that for whatever reason you have decided not to continue to eat. Why not and instead simply grasp a napkin, paper or linen and lift it to your mouth and deposit the unwanted food item into the napkin, then fold it in such a way as the food is not visible. If needed, another napkin can be requested from your server or host. No big deal… The technique has the added benefit of saving ME from having to be subjected to the sight of YOU whomever you may be from digging around your mouthes for that hunk of kunk with a fork, knife or other implement at the meal table and then replacing the partially digested food on your plate.
Oh yeah, here is a hint sushi is not traditionally consumed with “chop sticks”. I know you think you are really kewl when you tear open your bamboo, paper wrapped sticks and then the best is rub them together in some knowing way as if to prevent splinters. Wait, I’m laughing, continuing to laugh. Ok, just be yourself don’t be a douche nozzle, I have that specification clearly in hand…
Bon Douche
What is the general rule on hats? It’s my understanding that they should always be removed.
Not just ringers, but phones on vibrate are just as annoying. Text messaging during dinner… akk!
JAMES B has it correct. One addition is regarding the bread, take a slice of butter enough for your needs and put it on your bread plate and spread from there. Do not keep digging at the butter dish every time you want to butter your bread.
The “American Way” ? What the hell is going on.
Why does america always have to be different from everybody else?
The fork goes in the left hand, knife in the right.
Simple as that.
I gotta agree with some of the other posters. Switching the fork from the left hand to the right? No bueno buddy.
James B has it right.
If you all want to know what is right, check out from the library or buy from the book store the latest edition of Emily Post’s “Etiquette.” Some of the tips in this article are incorrect.
There is a manners book only for men also by the Post Institute (by the grandson, I think). This book is a must. It’s also a short book, unlike “Etiquette,” and it’s an easy read.
I always keep my knife in my right hand, and my fork in my left. I never switch like the American way. The tines of my fork are always pointed down–I push the food on the back of the fork. This is the proper way. I know of two ways: the proper way (a.k.a the Continental) and the American way, which only a few Americans do properly.
I hate it when I see Americans cut their food with the side of their fork. Worse: they hold their fork with a fist while cutting with a knife. Gasp!
I’m afraid you’re mistake in several of your pointers.
1. You wait until everyone is served, regardless of the side of the party or “when the queen lifts her fork.” (i.e the hostess)
4. Both European and American styles of eating are perfectly acceptable.
6. Napkin on chair or table, doesn’t matter.
7. Pass food or condiments whatever direction is shortest. Going any particular direction makes no sense whatsoever.
8. Are you suggesting people spit their unwanted bits back onto their forks?? Gross. No. You spit the food into your napkin or into your closed fist and put it discretely on the side of your plate.
10. The proper place for your silverware to indicate you are done eating is side-by-side at the 4 o’clock position. This way your waiter or host can easily pick up your plate and stabilize the silverware with his or her thumb.
What realy drives Europeans up the wall when dinning out in the USSA is the removal of plates at the end of the meal. In Europe plates are only removed when all the people at the table have finished a course. Removing one plate puts pressure on the other eaters to “speed up”. Perhaps this is for the convenience of the waiter rather than the customer!
James B wins
Oops. I forgot to add that the Continental way is also done in Australia (where I grew up) and New Zealand.
Seriously, if you really enjoy eating like this than more power to you. However, if they use their hand once or twice to eat, or takes a bite directly out of a roll, or God forbid put their elbows on a table while not spinning their cutlery at 2200rpm counter clockwise to the speed of Dance Dance Revolution just the way elitist society would prefer because they make ALL the rules… don’t you dare look down on them. If so, please remove the stick from your ass or crawl back to your $50,000 appetizers while the rest of us ’simple folk’ enjoy ourselves and aren’t wound so tight we snap because our poodle’s nails weren’t painted the proper shade of lavender.
Sometimes I think high society really is high.
I’m left handed and couldn’t get food to my mouth politely using my right if I wanted to. So, I guess I’ll keep eating continental…
I think you should have add 1 more i.e. don’t make noise when you chew your food! Seriously I have seen a lot of people do this. This really irritates the crap out of me.
“Not switching your fork and using your left is called the “Continental” way, and is done most often in European countries. This way is gaining acceptance and I wouldn’t be surprised if one day soon it’s considered acceptable in fine dining.”
Americans did not invent table manners, and really have no say on what is appropriate outside of America. But silly me, I forgot that most Americans view the rest of the world as inferior.
Bah, I grew up in the good old US of A learning the “European” way of eating. Knife is in the dominate hand and stays there. No switching. Maybe I learned this way because, *GASP* my family are nearly all immigrants! What total bullshit. If anyone bitched about the way I hold my utensils I’d give them something to think about.
Also, the idea of fishing out something you don’t want to eat with a fork or a spoon is atrocious. Use a napkin to cover your mouth, move the objectionable stuff to napkin, place napkin next to plate. You may deposit the item on your plate if you wish.
The American way to eating a steak is to cut a small piece then swap your fork and knife to shove it in your mouth; Rinse, lather repeat?
I used to do that when I was a wee toddler.
You’d be laughed at eating like that anywhere in London.
god!
cant someone write an articule without countless bitchy people having a go at them!
i eat out!
i didnt know most of these “rules”
im not a pig!
i havent offended anyone with my eating habits!
we dont live in victorian england anymore!
eat your damn food!, and stop being so damn bitchy!, write your own articule next time!
x
villa for europe!
x
As I understand it, Americans tried to differentiate themselves from the UK and the rest of Europe after its independence. It was at this point in history they made an effort to spell existing words differently and to eat like peasants. This is best highlighted in point 4 – the stabbing of a piece of meat, hacking around it before transferring the fork to another hand and stuffing it in their mouth to chew on whilst continuing their conversation.
Conversely, the “European way”, which “I wouldn’t be surprised if one day soon it’s considered acceptable in fine dining”; I’ve eaten in many fine dining restaurants acros the U.S. – that being anything finer than “a posh steak house” and these do I’m afraid tend to be European anyway.
david carmona, you can’t inject crack – it’s not water soluble. There are enough other reasons to avoid San Francisco homeless anyway.
Regarding what do do with your silverware when finished – we waiters assume you don’t know what to do, and ask anyway if there is still food on your plate. Just don’t try to “help” by handing us stuff (unless you’ve pushed it to the middle of the table and we can’t reach it), stacking your plates, etc.
In any decent restaurant we will wait to clear plates until everyone is finished unless you specifically request otherwise.
You can ignore table etiquette, but everyone will talk about you and laugh later.
It’s amazing the denial of humanity that’s attempted here. Food on a napkin!? Oh my word somebody stop him! (They’re gonna see it at the end of the meal anyway, if you follow the rules.) Remember kids, the table will shatter into as many pieces as you cut your meat into. Granted, I understand it’s good to wait on people to start eating and to cut up your food into smaller, more readily digestible pieces (it’s healthier) and to not attempt the daring feat of passing a heavy and hot plate as the crow flies, but etiquette just approaches the table with the wrong heart. It might be fun to get caught up in the game because it makes one think that one is more skillful, genuinely kind, accepted, etc., but it’s only a game and not a true assessment of your performance in life. Sorry if you feel that sociality validates you, but that’s no different then drawing validation from World of Warcraft. It is good, though, to be thinking about showing others respect and the subtleties of how things you do at the table affect them. The most common phrase in comments is (with scruched nose and upper lip) “I am afraid, Ms., that you are mistaken”. Seeing as there as many different suggestions about the exact details, the point is just to care about the people around you. How delightfully simpler.
I like James B’s fifth suggestion: reverse customer service or “vendor service”, if you will, considering the perspective of your server’s job and respecting them for the work they do to serve you. They call them servers for a reason, and service deserves (hmm only a prefix different…) reward.
Michael, what then does the man do while the woman is in the restroom? Stand there the whole time? That would be stunningly chivalrous and I would employ it, but it would probably be misunderstood. And wouldn’t standing up while she stands up awkwardly imply that you were going with her? How uncouth.
Happy Dining! (That means enjoy it.) :D
If I wanted to know what’s “wrong” with American men, I’d turn on any afternoon TV talk show. The interesting thing is, you never see anything like this written about women. Is it any wonder why guys are avoiding marriage anymore? And why a black guy is getting more support than a woman in the presidential race?
In Australia, it’s considered polite to burp as loudly as possible, normally with the aid of a fizzy drink. Even better attempt the entire alphabet.
Stomp
For all of those who are saying to ignore these rules, you can if you:
* Never dine with a client
* Think “classy” is Olive Garden
* Never travel overseas
* Never dine with a potential’s parents
* Don’t mind disgusting those around you
* Date trash
And the “switching hands” thing with the fork, is only done in
America, but only the unsophisticated ones.Be at a dinner
with executives eating like that, and you probably won’t get
invited back. And meeting with a VC or other investor — kiss
your funding goodbye.
And the first poster, David, learn to spell, and don’t worry you
don’t need table manners at Burger King, so you can ignore
this article.
this is friggin lame
Don’t growl whenever someone comes near your food. Don’t nip at a hand either..
One of the best ways to remember which bread plate and glass is yours is to remember the car “BMW.” At the table BMW = bread, meal, water. Bread is on the left, water on the right.
Well a few comments:
In France at least, do not cut lettuce leaves. It’s pointless and you’ll only succeed to make awful screeching sounds. Fold them with your fork and knife before skewring them with your fork.
Also, as to what the gentleman said about the Russian service, I think russian service means the food is directly served in each plate, and not in a common dish like at a family dinner (that’s called French service).
Also, the salad in french cuisine is often served after the main, before the cheese (which is before dessert if you skip the cheese, so it’s indeed before dessert) but not everywhere. In some regions of France (the south east mainly), salads are served as an appetizer (hence the Niçoise). Personnally, where I grew up I always had the salad as an appetizer, at home or at the school restaurant, but at my grand-ma’s place in Brittany, the salad was always served after the main, before or often with the cheese (as in chevre-chaud salad).
And as everyone already mentioned, that cutting the meat then passing the fork to the other hand is only in the US. I’ve noticed that and I always felt very strange seeing people doing this useless shuffling and keeping their unused hand on their lap!!! Both hands on the table at all time is considered a must in France at least, no fondling of your neighbour’s lap or playing with yourself underneath the table…
But the basic point of etiquette is: if it has no purpose, it’s silly. So forget the counter-clockwise or changing hands thing…
useless :)
Good article overall but some tips seem old fashioned. What about the tips that really show decent behaviour?
* Ladies sit down first, men have to wait for the ladies.
* When a lady leaves the table, you have to get up, even if you’r not in her way. This also goes when she returns and wants to sit down, you get up, she sits down and then you sit down.
* Never point with a fork or knife in your hand, it’s the same as pointing to someone, not polite!
* Be polite to the people who work in the restaurant, this shows good behaviour, this also goes when you’r not with a lady!
If you keep that kinda rules in mind you will accomplish more then by using the right spoon for the right dish or placing your napkin on the chair when you leave. These are rules that don’t matter that much. Things like, holding the door open for a lady, show much better behaviour because it shows that your thinking about her and that you try to please her.
Table Manner Tips Every Guy Should Know…
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When my napkin is dirty, I like to pick up a napkin off of another chair. I like the aroma.
James B should write this article, he was educated in good table manners. The author has no clue: cutlery crossways indicating finished? Swapping fork hands to eat food?
After reading this I realise the author was given the task of writing an article they know very little about. Congratulations on spreading incorrect information.
Americans have shocking table manners. Too much of a fast food nation it is.
When you have unwanted food in your mouth the correct way to remove it is to employ the same method you used to put it in your mouth.
So if you have a bite of gristle that entered your mouth by fork you remove it by fork.
If you have a shrimp in your mouth you don’t want to swallow and you used your fingers to place it in your mouth, you remove it with your fingers.
So it’s not only fish bones; it’s anything you put in your mouth with your fingers.
I had a waitress recently who wasn’t up on her table manners. We had a group of 11 people, waiting on the 12th person to show up. The waitress didn’t even bother giving us menu’s, thinking it was inappropriate to do so until the last person arrived, only leaving us with water. I finally had to hunt her down for menu’s, which was fortunate, as our last dinner guest finally arrived an hour after we were served.
1. Perfectly reasonable.
2. No one uses a knife on salad, that’s just silly.
3. That’s inefficient, and requires me to keep butter on my plate.
4. I’m left-handed, you jerk. Also, no one notices this, ever.
5. It’s impossible to enjoy a wine/food combination unless you take a sip with your mouth full. Traditional Italian-style, g.
6. Yeah.
7. Yeah.
8. As someone already said, remove it with whatever implement was used to put it there.
9. Throwing a bun at them works pretty well too.
10. That’s not classy so much as detail-oriented, but not a bad tip.
I googled Markus Diersbock and got some goddamn hilarious posts on other sites, I highly recommend it for everyone. The fact that he actually goes by “Markus” kind of automatically makes him a pretentious douchebag, but you have to read the other stuff he’s written to truly appreciate it.
I’ve never been taught etiquette, but over the years I’ve managed to pick them up unconsciously. Here are the rules as I’ve come to understand them and why they make sense to me.
1. Fork in the left, knife in the right. I’m right handed, which means that between the two dexterous acts of holding something in place and making sawing motions, I am inclined to hold my fork in my left hand and my knife in my right hand. In fact, I use my knife to move food on my plate towards the fork, all the while, the fork remains still. My index finger is generally extended along the length of the fork because it helps stabilize it, particularly when dealing with tougher items, like meat. At this point I could place my knife down and switch my fork to the right hand, but this is stupid. It’s a waste of time and energy. It’s visually distracting, especially in conversation because people who do the switch look down at their plate as they put their knife off to the side. It’s awkward looking and my left hand isn’t so unsteady that I’d accidentally miss my mouth and stab myself in the eye. Furthermore, you should always have your utensils in your hand in such a way that if you were attacked while dining, you could readily defend yourself. If you have to drop your fork and pick up your knife with your dominant hand in reaction to a fellow diner lunging across the table to stab you in the throat during a heated political discussion, you’d be dead. As a rule, I think it’s acceptable that left-handers may reverse this. If your ambidextrous, you should pick one way and stick with it throughout the meal, no one likes a show-off.
2. Don’t discuss politics at the table. The same goes for religion or money. You risk being stabbed. As a rule, unless you are sure everyone agrees with you, don’t bring it up at the dinner table. Impassioned discussions lead to loud talking with mouths full.
3. Tines up or down? If the item on your fork has been impaled, like with meat, tines down. If it has been scooped, like macaroni and cheese, tines up. If you always insist on tines up, you will find soft foods tend to fall back down on your plate.
4. I put my napkin on my chair when I get up to use the facilities. Stray napkins crumpled on the an already crowded table is unsightly. As a rule, I think once the napkin has left its initial position on the table and made its way on to your lap, it should stay there. It’s the thing that you use to keep spills off your lap, wipe your mouth, sneeze into, and generally other things that ought not be put on the table. Keep it to yourself. If you put it back on the table, you should be done, done, done. Think of it like the checkered flag in racing. Also, by putting it on your seat, it marks your territory in the same way dogs pee on trees and hydrants.
5. I agree that you should never season your dish with anything from the table until you’ve tasted it first. It can be rude. It can be ruinous. How do you tell someone a dish is too salty AFTER you’ve added salt on your own? Tough shit. No dessert for you. By the way, I hate it when you go to Italian restaurants and they intimidate you with those enormous pepper mills. Let me taste it first.
6. In with fork, out with fork. In with hand, out with hand. A good rule. I used to fish everything out with my hand, but I’ve since recanted. It takes some practice to artfully remove food with your fork and place it back on your plate, but we should all learn to do it. If the item is really gross looking, because you’ve been chewing it in vain, put it in your napkin then ask for a new one. It shouldn’t happen too often.
7. Fold lettuce and impale with your fork. If you keep your knife in your dominant hand, you should be able to execute this maneuver with relative ease. An exception would be large, crunch leave lettuces like romaine. I guess you can cut, but it’s rarely a problem if it’s a tossed salad. Use your best judgment in any case.
8. There is no single authoritative way of signaling to the waiter that you are finished short of telling him. I put group my knife and fork (tines down) off to the right out of habit, but others do it their way and the waiter still clears all the dishes. The truth is that there are other semantic cues that indicate that we are done. Do not rely on obscure semaphoric silverware codes.
In general, table manners can be deduced on their own. The difference is between someone who exhibits confidence in what they are doing and one who struggles with it. That said, I am appalled by people who eat the ‘American’ way. I’m not saying all or only Americans switch their fork to their right hand to deliver food into their mouths, (because Canadians do it, too), but I am saying that it’s stupid.
Funny thing is,… I actually really don’t have any manors and since I’m a developer…I don’t really give a shit to how i spell because somethings just aren’t worth the time put into them.
A funny thing “Markus Diersbock” I am actually anti- fast food and haven’t eaten that crap in over 4 years along with soda. Also not a meat eater.
My new journey is becoming a Raw foodists which has been very difficult to achieve and have been going semi-strong from 1 year and rockin it…..
So, as far as what side my fork is on and how my diner plate looks,….who cares….and again,…ya maybe Americans are lazy and stupid (whatever) but….in all seriousness we are elegant, fine dining, hard working, but just all full of shit……kinda like ‘howard stern’-work hard play harder.
So why does Europe have a thing for perfect dining,….do you guy/gals really have time for this every night,..even if you working in a restaurant.
From a person stand-point, I have 4 European friends and since they lived in America they seem to be the same people but just calling everyone else out there personal problems but yet seem not to defend themselves……….this is just my friends,..but this is all I can reference.
-dave
@ ukwyfg
You can inject crack. You are correct that water won’t work – that’s why you use lemon juice.
I think #3 is a case of form over function, and borders on silly. You get maybe one or two opportunities to butter your bread. Otherwise you would be constantly asking for the butter (assuming that’s what you want) which would be a nuisance in itself. I think buttering it in preparation to eat throughout your meal is completely reasonable. You can at that point, still pull it apart to eat it.
Also I was always taught to leave all silverware pointing in the 3 o’clock position to indicate you’re finished.
@ MSBautista
“…parallel to each other and across the plate with the handles facing the right. To clarify, the ends would be facing 10 o’clock and four.”
If the ends are at 10 and 4 the objects must be crossing and are therefore NOT parallel. Perhaps you meant perpendicular?
What is the correct way to eat jello? The way we do it here in the hood is just to pick it up with our hands and slurp it down all in one big gulp. Saves time.
JMAX brings up a good point about cell phones at the table. Turn them off or put them on “silent” rather than “vibrate.” If you absolutely have to take a call, excuse yourself from the table and step outside. Texting messages might seem less disruptive, but they’re just as annoying as talking on the phone.
didnt know number four …
but have been doing it for ages … continental style …
John is correct, you would never leave a napkin on a chair. There are two reasons for this. First, napkins are dirty with oil, sauce and saliva, you do not leave them on your host’s fine upholstered furniture. Second, chairs are dirty, they are sat in by clothes, including yours, that have been on benches, subways, train compartments and other public places. When you get up, carefully fold your napkin and place it near your plate.
So glad to see folks interested in table manners, one way or another. Thank you for all your comments, especially those who shared extra tips (Reegsta, Mira, James B., WESLEYVK, EVILSOUP, etc.). I never imagined this article would be read by so many, and would open me up to so many different views on what’s correct and incorrect. I enjoyed writing this article and I hope you enjoyed reading it (whether you agree with me or not).
How can you suggest switching the hand you hold your fork with after EACH cut of meat? That’s arbitrary. It doesn’t add anything to your enjoyment of food, and the only people who will notice and care are people so beholden to the mythical rules of eating that they’ll find a way to scold you for nothing anyway.
When I’m in a fancier restaurant that serves pizza, I always feel sorry for the people who cut up the pieces to eat. It plain doesn’t taste as good, and I think the biggest offense is purposely doing something that robs you of the pure enjoyment of eating just to trick yourself into thinking you’re more civilized than others.
Audibles are the only thing I’d worry about, since I don’t HAVE to look at what hand you’re using or where you put your napkin….aka I don’t have to be a total c*nt about eating.
I am not sure if this is permissibly, but I am so left handed that I have to cut the food with the knife in my left hand and then switch my fork from the right to left hand to harpoon the morsel.
Wow, So since one (yes one) countries citizens switch fork hands it must mean that everyone else is improper…. Yay America
And having your utensils in 4 and 8 position signifies that you are NOT done… the standard to signify that you ARE in polite and high class restaurants is to have your utensils TOGETHER with your fork upside down
Its a shame how easy it is to spred bad information when you can get a decent amount of diggs
Who makes up this stuff? I mean, I can relate to not biting into the roll directly – that looks piggish, but what is the big deal about cutting a dinner roll in half? It’s not like your stuffing your face.
It’s arbitrary statements of correctness like this that makes guys who basically want to be polite become very distrustful of etiquette gurus.
“Manners” differ between regions of the US and certainly across the globe; just because the handles of someone’s silverware is pointed towards the top of the plate doesn’t mean they are uncultured. There is no need to argue who has the best manners unless you are the type who posts to vent feelings of insecurity. If you are such the type, go right ahead.
A few overlooked guidelines for classier fine dining:
1. whilst observing the waitresses/hostesses cleav region, be sure to follow with the 10 second rule: look away 10 seconds before looking again for a maximum one second duration if your significant other is present. Single men can “rincer les yeux” for 1.5 seconds, whilst women are permitted for up to four seconds. If at least 80% of bear cleavage is visible, then 10 seconds may be decreased to three second intervals although the highest tolerable intervals are recommended, especially during a first date.
2. in Europe, rest both hands on the edge of the table. In the US, keep your free hand on your lap. Tip: it would be considerably rude to break rule #1 whilst moving your hand up and down in rapid succession and/or in a circular motion.
Well, These tips are informative as well as ridiculous.
1. it doesn’t matter which hand you use to hold your fork. Just use your favourite hand. Don’t swap fork into both hands unnecessarily. Stick to your comfortability. Practice.
2. Use your knife to cut always.
3. It is okay to scoop food with fork if they are tiny bits, like rice.
4. It is okay to dig into others’ plate, if they offer. Just don’t gobble straight away. Place it in your plate first.
5. You can pass food in any direction. Don’t throw (buns), don’t reach out, and don’t give a holler. Ask the person next to you to pass whatever is on the other side of the table.
6. Eat slower than you eat at home. Fine dining is about socialising. Relax and enjoy the moment and people’s company. Take only bite size every time you put food into your mouth.
7. Use your napkin. Keep your fingers/mouth/lips clean, because dining is nothing without talking to people whom you dine with. It is okay to ask for a fresh napkin if you’re done with yours.
8. Don’t overstock your plate, if you’re sharing food from bowls. And it is okay to finger food occasionally. Just don’t mess your fingers. Always pair up and ask if the person next to you would like to have food from the bowl you’re taking food.
Happy Dining.
Hey ELI, I’m pretentious for using my real name in the post? Maybe with respect to the topic, I could have gone with something classy like “sL0PpYMuNkEy” did.
People don’t have to learn manners, but like the poster said above, using them puts you in a “secret society”. Nobody is going to tell you if you’re uncouth, they just won’t associate with you.
In America we are free to do anything we want: get a tatt, shave your head, don’t shower, live in a tree, put gerbils in your coin-slot, but you’ll also live with the consequences of those actions.
Success leaves clues, and if you don’t use them, that’s fine, the other’s in the trailer park won’t detect your shortcomings.
You can hold your fork like your shifting a car, slather your roll with butter, slouch with your sleeves in the soup, and ignore all other social graces, but you’ll always be low-class. And you’ll never know, nobody will tell you.
The only way you can act like a pig and have others cater to you, is to be a rich rapper, but just remember when you leave the room, others will laugh and roll their eyes. The Benjamins don’t buy you class.
I’m not saying you have to lounge by the pool reading Shakespeare, or summer in Newport. But you should learn the basics, being civilized.
Class costs nothing.
And to David Carmona who dismisses his poor spelling and table manners due to being a developer, well that’s pathetic. I’ve been coding for 27 years, and unless you want to keep dating your laptop, I suggest you get to a bookstore — schnell.
Whether you’d like to think table manners aren’t important, even the worst offenders should know that they aren’t entirely arbitrary. We’ve come a long way since the days where we ate with our fingers and wiped our hands on our clothes or beards (or the clothes or beards of others). We all learn some kind of manners and apply them subconsciously. When we’re around our families and other people who have bestowed particular table customs upon us, it’s impossible to offend. But the goal of proper table manners, and the reason we argue about it, is to arrive at some kind of universal principal that can be applied in any situation, which includes the stuffiest, most formal dinner you may ever attend.
Having confidence in your table manners means you don’t have to think about whether anyone else is thinking about how you are eating.
It’s like I tell people who tell me they don’t know which wine is good. “If you like it, it’s good.” The centerpiece is the company.
Are you kidding me?
Waiting for others to get their food before you start eating? Ok, good idea, it’s polite.
Don’t stuff huge chunks of lettuce into your face hole and chew with your mouth open. Check.
The rest of it, though? How shallow can we possibly get, please?
There is a specific place to put your fork when you’re done with it, and there’s specific way to butter a roll and hold this fork in this hand and not that hand, because *those* people do it that way, and it’s not accepted *here*.
If I have to follow these rules to be accepted by a certain “class” of people, those people can keep it because they’re shallow.
Call me trash if you will, I’d rather be me and real than you and phony.
Meanwhile, some people have real things to worry about.
When you pull your head out of your butt, let me know.
Most Europeans I’ve come across exhibit similar practices on a dinner table so much as we Americans do. So, for anyone to imply that Europeans demonstrate superior proprieties of conduct whilst eating is pure bullshit. And who but some pompous, elitist fuck would actually consider all but a few of the points listed above? Get real, its the 21st century. When was the last time you saw anyone switch fork and knife from one hand to the other after each slicing of meat? Or pass food counter clockwise to the person directly to their left? That’s odd and counter productive, respectively. Only those who’s objective is to project an aura of refinement and nobility would accord themselves to such pretentious etiquette.
This is stupid. I say gorge yourself, flail your hands wildly, and tell the waiter to get his butt over to the table quickly.
@ARIGATO;
(http://www.ploomy.com/2008/01/30/table-manner-tips-every-guy-should-know/#comment-172)
Good manners ARE.
ARE. Not “IS”. ARE.
Personally, I’d much rather deal with poor manners than poor grammar.
The correct way to place your cutlery is to have them facing downards not to the side.
I was brought up with very strict table manners!
OK, look: from the other end of the table (so to speak), most girls are less worried about whether you pass left to right, or napkin placement, roll etiquette, etc, and more interested in the basics. A lot of the things listed are anachronisms, and many of them are frankly subjective and vary based on the group you’re with. If I’d boil it down I’d say:
1) Be courteous
2) Don’t gross anybody out
3) Watch what other people do, and follow suit
Anyway, nice of you to tell about these things, but honestly if y’all would just chew with your mouth closed, don’t talk with stuff in your mouth, and take your damn baseball caps off at the table, it would make a world of difference. Let’s get the basics down, shall we? Thanks.
#10. If you’re not finished the meal and want to put down your silverware, pleace the knife and fork down so they are pointing toward the middle and it looks like 8:20 on a clock. When you’ve completed your meal, imply place your utensils down so it resembles 4:20 on a clock. That will signify to your waiter that you have finished your meal.
Table Manner Tips Every Guy Should Know…
We all remember the basics our mothers taught us about table manners–no elbows on the dinner table and don’t talk with your mouth full. But ever wonder which fork to use for your salad or how to signal a waiter at a fancy restaurant?…
[...] event—it’s immature and irritating. Simple things like holding doors open for women and being polite at the dinner table go a long way and make you feel [...]
[...] Luckily, no one here on the internet expects the not-so-fairer sex to do it on their own. Ploomy, a blog dedicated to keeping men “informed, inspired and intrigued,” recently published a list of “Table Manner Tips Ever Guy Should Know.” [...]
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Some of the most important ones have been left off I think. You can read them here:
http://www.voont.com/manners2
For example:
“Often “Grace” or a prayer is said at the beginning of meals, and everyone is expected to participate. If you’re uncomfortable with this, it isn’t impolite to excuse yourself from the table, muttering threats under your breath while fingering a switchblade.”
[...] event—it’s immature and irritating. Simple things like holding doors open for women and being polite at the dinner table go a long way and make you feel [...]
I think a lot of these formalities are somewhat antiquated. They make for a good foundation to work off of so you’re not going to look totally out of place, but I believe if you try your best not to be disgusting, then you should be able to comfortably modify these “rules” to suit you. If you’re reprimanded for doing so, those doing so are probably snobby prats who aren’t worth losing sleep over.
If you cannot think of a logical reason why a “rule” exists, then it probably shouldn’t.
Swapping fork inbetween every bite? Stupid. Disregard if you like. Same goes for buttering of bread. Butter the whole thign at once and get it over with.
Eating chinese/asian food with chopsticks? Why fumble with awkward implements when we are living in such a modern society with much more appropriate and functional utensils? There hsould be no shame in asking for a knife/fork/spoon.
Some foods are much easier to eat with fingers. I hate trying to get al lthe meat off a chicken drumstick with a knife and fork. Less dextrous/sighted guests may also struggle. A polite host should invite people to feel free to use their fingers, or alternately, wrapping foil around the part of the bone you’d hold makes a good indicator that it’s expected that you can/should use your fingers and forego the hassle of drumstick surgery.
I believe I’ve said enough that I don’t need to elaborate any further, it should be obvious.
In reference to number 10 on the list:
placing the utensils so that their respective points are toward 10 and 4 would be perpendicular, not parallel…
…just saying
Other than that, though, it was a very helpful compilation…thank you.
Fascinating. I really wish more people would use better manners at the table. I go to restaurants and see some people behaving like complete slobs. I don’t mean fast food places, either.
A response to a few posts…
1)Good manners is just being polite.
2)No, you don’t have to use chopsticks for Asian food…unless you’re in Asia. They seem to expect you to use the chopsticks.
3)Please don’t lump all Americans in the same category, thank you!
4)Admittedly, I don’t believe I use the “American” way of cutting meat…then again, I don’t believe I’ve seen it used. I guess I’m not going to the right places!
Fun list. Thanks!
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guzzling should be avoided during drinking while eating foods.
The so called “continental” style of stab and shove dining will NEVER be considered “proper” in our part of the country. Frankly we don’t care how the Europeans do it, and we find the stabbing of pieces of meat and the thrusting of said meat (with an upside down fork) into one’s mouth to be most offensve. Perhaps this yankee-fied style of barbarianism is perfectly in vogue with certain dolts and clods of the dinner table in less civilized areas. It is not acceptable here.
I was brought up with english table manners, i.e. European “Continental” style. Later I moved to northen Europe and now have Sicilian in-law family but what a huge difference there is in table manners. Their’s resembles something much less sophisticated like the cross-over American style with a hand below the table but with additions such as yapping loudly with their mouths full of food. When they get excited in a conversation (which they often do) cover your plate and cups because they can’t help flapping their hands around wildly with food still on the utensils. That’s no joke, I just saw a piece of meat land in someone elses cup the day before yesterday. It’s just plain disgusting and primitive if you’re not used to it.
[...] Article BY MSBautista Source URL Here [...]
I am from an American “blue blood” family. ( It doesn’t mean much to me and makes me no better than anyone else.) We were trained to do the following:
* Remove unwanted food by simply spitting it into your napkin. I have NEVER seen anyone with manners remove food from their mouth with their fork. That’s nasty and would make other at your table throw up, lol.
* You should never, ever use a knife anywhere near your salad. If the piece is too big to eat, don’t eat it. And that’s that!
*And do not be loud with your silverware. No tapping or scraping on your plate.
*Napkin in the chair when you are to return. Napkin to the left of your place setting when you LEAVE table at end of meal. Napkin in your LAP at all other times when not using it to wipe. Always wipe before drinking.
*When you are done with your meal and wish for the waiter to remove your plate, 4 and 10 is correct. Ask the Queen, my British friends. Optional, especially in the southern hemisphere, 1 and 11 signifies you are taking a break but still plan to continue eating. After all, the waiter is not to speak to you unless REQUIRED. You are not there to socialize with the help.
*Most Americans are not adept at getting food items such as noodles and vegetables on their forks with the tines down and in their left hands. I have many international friends who do this with ease by scraping the food onto their forks or pusging it into the tines. In the US, it is considered BAD manners to move food on your plate with your knife. NEVER do this here! (And who said something about turning your plate? Another NO NO. I, however, do place my fork in my right hand, tines up unless I am cutting meat. At that time, my MAIN piece of cutlery is once again placed in my RIGHT hand. In the case of meat cutting, that would be my KNIFE. So, you see friends, there is reasoning behind this method. Main cutlery: RIGHT hand in USA. Yes, there are those of us who may eat in Continental fashion. But to many here, it has the appearance of someone who is a POSSEUR. So, as the old saying goes, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
My “two cents.”
Oh yeah…..the difference between animals and man is society. And in society, we have MANNERS. And as earlier posters wrote, manners show that you have respect for other humans. THANK YOU.
Number 8 is kind of strange, looks gross and could present an accident where it falls of the fork or spoon. I still think using a napkin to retrieve inedible food is the way to go. But hey… what do I know?
Some, although relatively little, of this is common sense. Obviously, it is polite to wait until your entire party is present, unless there are extenuating circumstances. The majority of these rules, however, seem rather arbitrary. Perhaps it is the socio-economic group within which I was raised and now choose, but this seems rather like a case of form over function.
On the other hand, if I were to attempt to “fit in” with the “upper crust,” I might attempt some of these maneuvers, unwieldy as they might be.
But, if you were to eat like that at the places I eat, you’d be something of a scene. So, my question for you is this: If you were to visit a “down home” establishment in the deep South, would you try to eat like we do? I can assure you that the waiters down here won’t have a clue what you’re trying to do with the silverware and they’ll be equally confused with the napkin tricks.
I also wanted to comment on the previous poster’s opinion that the wait staff should only speak when “required:” most of the people I know and choose to associate myself choose to treat their waiters as human beings and equals and not “lessers.”
Manners, in my opinion, are opening the door for women and the elderly, pulling back the chairs for the same, not eating with my mouth open, treating others as I’d like to be treated and trying to make sure that everyone is COMFORTABLE and having a good time.
Of course, I’m just a country boy at heart and in rearing, but I’m also a moderately successful businessman who has hosted literally hundreds of business dinners. Never once has my lack of knowledge on the finer points of silverware placement been an issue and I rather doubt that I’d be interested in pursuing a business relationship with someone who was more worried about which hand I held my fork in than what the bottom line on an investment opportunity was.
Best Wishes to all.
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